Okay, I'm just going to wait for the recording timer thing to tick in again. So this is episode four or part four of the five-part series that we were going to do. I don't have a green screen because I'm still up at the Gold Coast. Just thought I'd quickly get one in while I can so I don't fall behind. Okay. Waiting, waiting, waiting. The light's not really good in here too either. So sorry, I can't do too much about that. I did try opening the blind, but it was too much light. Hi there and welcome to another episode. I hope you have had a good week. I am up at the Gold Coast, just about to fly out to head back home. I was at a legal conference this week, which was pretty cool. I was here last year as well and I have come back for this year. So multitasking before I head to the airport and the lighting is a bit dodgy in here. Sorry, I did try a to give you an ocean of view, but it was too much light, so I've had to close the blinds. But the past few weeks, we have been going through some tips to help you through your family law matter. Really, it's interchangeable for anything. It's not just if you're going through a family law matter. But this week is just the hidden support system. Every family law client needs or people need in general but nobody seems to talk about and I'm a little bit down on my techie techie today so I am looking down at my phone to my notes so I don't forget anything. So obviously as you know I've got a fair bit of experience with lots of different things so I am a lawyer been admitted for fifteen years been in the game for about twenty years I am a certified mindfulness instructor I'm now a clinical hypnotherapist so I've done a lot um of learnings outside of the legal realm because to me it's just not enough to be a lawyer anymore I just for a long time and covert was probably the the tip of the iceberg for us it's that you can no longer just be a lawyer. There are so many other things going on with our clients. And when you have clients who have suicided, I'm not saying that we could have prevented them or anything like that. But if there are more things that we can do from our end to help people through that transition and there weren't only just family law clients there's a mixture of just you know there were conveyancing clients that you know there was a wills and a state client so you know it's not just in family law matters where people um you know are struggling with their mental health so if there is more things that I can do for whether they're clients of ours or just anyone listening to this podcast or watching it on youtube then you know um I I feel like that I I've helped you in in some way and hopefully giving you some tips to help you go through whatever it is you're going through and that's why this podcast isn't just all about the legal side we try and have as many people as we can on the podcast to you know, of relevance to you. You know, we have clients who have small businesses or sometimes we have people chatting about small business. So as I said, the podcast is not just specifically about law or family law. It's about anything that I can think of that is relevant and I can also obviously see what people like we can see the views that we have like per podcast so I base our episodes and that as well people will come to me and say hey can you do an episode on this so obviously if there's anything that you would like a podcast done on please reach out to us so we can schedule it And we can help you in any way that we can. But this week is about the hidden support system. So I go into this in a fair bit of detail in my empowered separation program. I do chat about this a little bit on and off. So again, today is to stay short. brief, you know, tips and tricks that you can incorporate. But I do go into this more in my empowered separation if you are going through a family law separation. So a lot of people don't think that support is needed or they think that the support is just going to be there. You need to make sure that you have the right support. So whether that's your family law matter, whether that's going through you know, life changes of some sort, whatever it might be, having that right support team is going to make all the difference. It's no difference in me having different coaches. So I have multiple different businesses. I have legal, I have financial, like I have mortgage-breaking business. I have like the coaching aspect. I have people on my team. Your sports stars have people on their team. So like us and them, you need people on your team as well. You need to have the right people on your team though, not the wrong people. So, you know, the first part is why traditional support usually falls short. So generally that's family and friends. So especially if you're going through a separation, you might find that people divide. You might find all of a sudden that you had all these friends and then someone's taken the other person's side and then you're on your own. Or you have that friend or that family member or that person, you know, you thought that you could trust. is going off and telling your ex or somebody else about what you're saying. And that's obviously not going to help you. A lot of friends and family are too emotionally involved as well. So they might not be able to help you see through something or reason with you if you are so know caught up on something or if you had a family member that says you were entitled to fifty fifty or like nine in ten that advice is probably just random advice that they have made up and if that's something that's going to get stuck in your head it's going to be really hard for you to get advice from somebody say well I don't know where you got that information from but you know nine in ten is probably likely not going to happen so you need to be really really careful with that and intentionally giving incorrect legal advice which is probably just what I just said just because their neighbor next door had this property settlement this amazing property settlement or ship property settlement doesn't mean yours is going to be the same and I heard a saying the other way is like every separation every divorce is like a snowflake they're all different so just you can't base your separation or your divorce on somebody else because it's it's not your it's not your divorce it's not your matter they are all different um and yeah and again taking the sides so you will find that people will take sides It is what it is. I wouldn't be going to try and save those relationships if that's the decisions that they have made. See you later. Like, I don't want you in my life if you're going to do that. So don't consider that to be, you know, something you need to feel bad about. You might feel hurt that that has happened, but clearly they are people you don't need in your life. So I wouldn't be stressing about it at all. um I call I talk about this a fair bit and I heard a term for it the other week which was called the Facebook lawyers so going into those Facebook groups posting something and getting advice from people who are not qualified to give legal advice I talk about this a fair bit please do not go on social media in a Facebook group full of people who you know, don't know what they're doing or they may hate men or may hate women or whatever it is and post your question in there, you will get a range of comments. They are probably going to be shit. They are probably all going to be negative and it'll probably all be wrong advice unless someone has specifically said, hey, I'm a lawyer in this field. You know, this is my comment or... Usually you should just go, hey, I'm a lawyer. Reach out to me if you want something else. So you don't start anything. But please don't go into those Facebook lawyers or take Facebook lawyer advice because it is highly, highly probably dangerous. not going to be correct and it'll probably stress you out even more so do not recommend that you post that stuff online I don't know anyone who has benefited from it like it might be hey do you have suggestions for a family lawyer or something you know that's probably different and then if you get those suggestions you need to make sure that that family lawyer is somebody who who you can connect with you need to make sure that that lawyer is in the line with your values and how you want that matter to progress and who's going to listen to you and give you all the options and everything like that so there's a process in relation to picking your lawyer as well which I go into more depth in my um in my program but you know I don't have time to to go through everything so social media groups please please don't it's going to increase your anxiety it's going to make you more confused it may make It may, may. That's good English. It may stop you from even doing something. And if you're in a DV relationship and you're staying in that relationship because you've just had advice from Facebook lawyers, that's probably not a very wise thing to do. Your priority is safety. It's not staying in the home to collect documents or anything like that. It's safety for yourself and your kids if you have kids. So I'd highly suggest you stay away from the Facebook lawyers. So you need some strategic support. So again, I go into this in much more detail in my program, but basically, you know, you will have your legal team. So, you know, there are different things you need to consider when you're looking for your lawyer team and your legal team, sorry, and what you want in that legal practice or in that, you know, in that person that you're trusting with your family law matter. You might want a mental health professional, so you may need a counsellor or a psych, depending on where you are. There are a number of online services as well if you're not mentally well, so Lifeline, Beyond Bloom, Talk To Me Bro, all those type of online places that you can go on. Some of them are text as well, so if people don't like talking on the phone, I'm quite certain that some of those you can text online. You know, have a texting conversation instead of a conversation on the phone. So you have those people as well. Financial advisors and accountants come in handy as well. So depending on what we're looking at, we'll either work with the people's or the client's financial team. So whether that's a financial advisor or an accountant. If they don't really have one or they're not happy with them, we will kind of go, all right, these are the people that we know like and and trust that we have used before for clients do you have a feel for any of these people we'll make sure that you know tax is minimized as much as possible sometimes it might not be in someone's best interest to receive x amount because that's going to cause a couple of gains effect or something like that so it might be that we need to come up with another solution for those clients so the accounting side and the financial advice side is very very important and they come in handy as well or more the financial advisor is that you'll need to get insurances changed post separation so that is really helpful as well additional support services so if there is db if you need housing assistance I know rentals can be really, really hard depending on what your area is. I know like here in the Hunter Valley, it's quite difficult. I know there's a lot of people struggling to get those, um, the, the accommodation that they need. And unfortunately I can't make properties appear out of nowhere, but there's obviously things that we can try and help you with to try and get that property for you together with those services as well. Um, like, you know, Carrie's place or Jenny's place. who, you know, have that connection and sometimes they have houses available for people that need it short term so they can, you know, get on their feet and get their own property. So, but I do know that, you know, the accommodation side is something that's really difficult and I can appreciate that. Creating a support schedule. So work out kind of what support that you need. So from your lawyer, you know, clients needs are different. It's also sometimes unreasonable to expect your lawyer to respond within three seconds or, you know, an hour, like if they're in court, if they're in a meeting, if whatever it might be. So we set expectations at the start, I suppose. So, you know, if you don't hear from me, you may hear from my assistant. If I'm not available, you know, Jen will be able to help you out. We will provide you updates. weekly, when something comes in, when like whatever it is. So you need to make sure that the expectation with yourself and your lawyer is like, right, well, this is when we will communicate. And you have to remember that you're likely going to be charged each time that your lawyer is contacting you. So you have to think from an economical point of view, do I really want that much contact? Because I've probably just paid a hundred dollars for an email that says nothing because nothing has happened. So be really careful of that aspect as well. If you need accounting appointments or your financial appointments, work out what is needed for that. If you have a meeting with a lawyer coming up but you had to meet with a financial advisor first, obviously there's no point going to the legal appointment saying, oh, no, I haven't done that yet because you, again, just paid money that you didn't need to pay. Make sure you do whatever you need to do before that next meeting so you're not wasting money on just not getting stuff done, like put the meeting back or whatever it might be. And obviously, if you have a counsellor or a psych, work out the appointments that suit you for that as well. But again, note that in between those appointments, you do have those online services as well so you are not alone. Protecting your energy is really important. So I've gotten much better at that. And this is not just for a divorce, family or separation. It's protecting your energy for anything and with anyone. This is so, so, so important and easily could be. you know a topic in itself but you need to protect your energy so you need to be really careful who you are sharing information with as I said before if you are trusting someone and then you've told somebody all this information and they've gone back to your ex that is not a person that you want to trust you need to be careful what you say as well so if you're really bagging your ex out and that goes back to your ex that's going to set the tone for how your divorce is going to go and it's probably not going to be positive So you need to be really, really careful. Do not say anything in front of your children. That is just such a big no-no. If they are older and adults, maybe, but definitely if they are kind of, you know, at school still, I definitely would not be saying anything in front of them. They just don't need that additional stress and you don't want them to have to feel that they have to pick between a parent and um and you know what just stay silent if you need to and get that support from somebody who is not so close within your circle I know that you know if you need to vent I'll tell my clients hey vent at me say whatever you want at me there is nothing that I have not heard before or like I challenge you to say something that I haven't heard before I'd much rather than vent at me I know it's not personal but I don't want them then and sending that text or venting at their ex and just totally derailing the matter. So if you find that you need to verbally, you know, abuse somebody. I tell my clients, do it at me. I know it's not personal because I'm just telling you to take it out of me. Scream into a pillow. It might be that you need to go for a walk. You might need to go for a surf. You might need to raid, have a bubble bath, whatever it might be. Just be really, really careful how you react because that may not go in your favor as well. I'm not saying you have to bottle everything up, but you just need to be really careful as to when that happens and who that happens with. Um, what else did I have? Social media. So, you know, you might have to, please don't put anything on social media. Um, you know, all it takes is a screenshot to get at the hands of the wrong person. And again, that can derail your family law matter. It's just not worth it. Um, change passwords if you need to. Um, what else? Mutual connections. So, you know, if you do have mutual connections on Facebook or on social media, um, Be really careful what you put in there. I literally would not be putting anything. I would not be sharing your dirty laundry online. I just, I don't think it's needed. But if you do, you do that, just know there are going to be consequences of that if you do that. professional boundaries. So, you know, setting to line with not overstepping the line. So, you know, not trying to be unreasonable with rights. So if I call you at eight o'clock at night, you need to answer. We're most likely with our kids, putting them to bed or, you know, doing something with them before they go to bed. That's just not reasonable. If you have a lawyer that does that, okay no most lawyers are probably not going to have that boundary because they have boundaries themselves and they need to recover from the day just as much as you Have some emergency protocols in there if you need to. So again, if you may be in a DV situation or your mental health has spiraled, make sure you found a service that you know that you can call, like Yom Blue or something that you know that you can call and you're going to feel comfortable enough for them to kind of, you know, help you manage that situation. um so to wrap up I guess just have um some action steps in mind so maybe do a bit of a support audit so right down there you know maybe the people that you used to have in your life see if they are still useful useful that's probably not the right word see if they're still the right support network for you if they're not you probably need to swap some people out identify any gaps that you might have so if you need a counselor but you don't have a counselor you might want to start making inquiries for that as well again making sure that you're finding people who align with your values and that you're comfortable with there's no point trying to start a relationship with somebody spending a shit ton of money and you dreading going there because they're just not your vibe so that is really really important in in anything that you do um and yeah routines are really really good so um if you try and set a routine for yourself so whether that's when you have kids or you don't have the kids whether you need that little bit of self-care it could be like five minutes in the morning like meditation or like gratitude or you know whatever it might be just make sure that you establish some routines being really organized also helps it really diminishes the stress levels if you are organized I try and prep for the next day the night before as much as I can so school lunches are done uniforms are ironed I've picked what I'm going to wear so I don't have to wake up in the morning and be stressing whether we don't have a school uniform or I don't know what I'm going to wear or anything like that so I do find organization really really does help And like to use an example, yesterday, so I'm flying back from the Gold Coast today. Usually I would do my click and collect on a Saturday. Today is Saturday. And I came home last night. It was about like eleven o'clock. I'm like, I can't be bothered doing my groceries. I just do them online. I'm like, you know what? If I don't do them now, I'm going to have the shits when I have to come back from the airport, physically go into Woolworths, do my groceries and then go home. So I spent that ten minutes. you know going through my shopping list adding it there when you click like you know when your shopping order is pretty well the same thing every week it honestly took me about ten minutes so when I woke it up this morning I'm like right cool I gotta pack up my room I'll do this quick podcast I'll go to the airport I'll do some stuff in the lounge I'll arrive at Newcastle Airport, I'll go via Woolworths, pick up my groceries, then I'm home and then I'm done. So just sometimes taking that extra five or ten minutes will make the next day a lot easier. And I'm really happy that I did that because I really don't think I can be bothered doing the grocery shopping this afternoon. And I certainly don't want to do it tomorrow when it's Mother's Day. So I guess, you know, there are so many different things. And my aim is to not overwhelm you. It's to go right, here are some suggestions, take them, don't take them, modify them, whatever you like. I'm not saying what I'm saying is right, you might not. agree with it. You might not feel comfortable with it. That is completely fine. But hopefully out of that list, I have given you something to possibly think about. And if you've already started to make those changes, then awesome. Great. If you haven't, that is completely okay. I It's just going to help you so much with what you're going through and you're just going to have clarity and you're going to know who you can turn to so you're not alone. So next week we have our final tip. As I said, it was too much to put into one podcast. I'm glad I didn't because they're about half hour long. in length. So we'll have our final tip next week. Other than that, I don't think I have anything on my list to mention. I think I have mentioned everything on my list. I don't think I've missed anything. But obviously, of course, if you need further help, you do have my program, Empowered Separation, which we're going to so much more detail than what we do on our podcast. And obviously, there's more resources and things like that. So you can click on the link and learn more about that. And yeah, just thank you for listening. If you have any comments or any questions, please reach out and I will be more than happy to answer them. Otherwise, enjoy the rest of your day. I hope you found this podcast useful and I will catch you next time. See you guys.
