I'm assuming this is working. I forgot to check my sound. Camera. That one's working. Audio. Word. Yep. All right. I'm going to bring the teleprompter up. Copy. Okay. Yay. One of these days I will have a proper setup. I've got a feeling it's gonna break. Okay. Do you know what happens in January every single year? Divorce week. My inbox literally explodes, as does every other family lawyer's. And it's not with the new... Oh, hang on. I fucked that up. Let me go back. I jumped the gun. Do you know what happens in every January? My inbox explodes, not with New Year's resolutions about gym memberships or dry January, but with messages from people who've made a different kind of decision over the Christmas break. They've decided that this is the year that they're finally going to address their relationship. If you're listening to this and thinking that's me, you are not alone, and I'm here to help you take those first steps without overburden. January is literally called Divorce Month. like, wow, like just business period for us family lawyers, but I will get you through it. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the Stacey M show. And as I said, today, we're talking about starting the family law process. And look, I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it can feel absolutely terrifying. But here's what I want you to know, with the right information, and the right support, you can do this in a way that protects your finances, your well being, and your future. So why is January called Divorce Month? So let's talk about why so many people make this decision around the Christmas holidays. You've just spent concentrated time with your partner, probably not like you haven't done it before, but maybe this time was different, and maybe you spent time at some family gatherings, maybe you've been stuck at home, and somehow that reality just becomes crystal clear. The relationship is not working. The kids are back at school, life returns to routine, and suddenly you're Googling how to start separation at two a.m. in the morning. If that's you, please take a deep breath You're exactly where you want to be. That was my bad in taking a deep breath in. So don't do what I just did. That was a terrible breath in. But I'm going to give you some practical tips today. So the first practical tip I want to give you is do a brain dump. Sounds simple, but it helps. So before you do anything legal, before you talk to anyone, I want you to do what I call a brain dump. And I want you to get everything out of your head and onto a piece of paper. or electronically if that's your preferred method. So whatever it is, I want you to write down a few things. So one of those things I want you to consider is why are you considering separation? What are your biggest fears about that process? I want you to write down all of your questions, all of them, even the ones that you might think are silly. There are no silly questions. I want you to think about what your life to look like. I want you to write down what your life will look like on the other side or what you would like your life to look like on the other side. Now, this isn't a legal document. Nobody else needs to see it, but it's going to help you get clarity on your reasons and your goals. And that is the foundation of everything that comes next. So as you probably know, I do have a program at Court Empowered Separation, and this is exactly one of the exercises I like you to do. And I think it's around module two, because you can't navigate this process effectively if you don't know where you're trying to go. My next practical tip is understanding your financial position. So here's something that surprises people. You need to know your financial situation before you see a lawyer. Why? Because lawyers charge by the hour. And if you're sitting in their office trying to remember what your super balance is or what your house may be worth or just what your assets are in general, that's really expensive thinking time, especially when most lawyers are about five fifty plus an hour. What I want you to do is also to start gathering information. Now there's a fair bit that needs to be gathered, but some things that will help is your last bank statements for about the last twelve months, some super statements, property valuations or appraisals, loan documents and any credit card statements that you might have, tax returns, pay slips, heaps of others, but that will make a really good start. Unless it's making me talk slow, huh? I think. I don't check these videos, so I hope you edit all this crap out, Jim. Okay. So I know that this feels overwhelming. And as I've mentioned in my Powered Separation Program, I try to think of everything that I possibly can. And that's why there are checklists, there are templates, there are lessons, there are so many different things that walk you through exactly what you need and where to find it. This is just simply a quick separation, one-on-one to get you started. so i just i cover a disclosure in detail i give you step-by-step guidance on preparing your own financial statement because one day you will eventually need it um but Because one day you'll actually meet it, but you'll be doing it early. So you are feeling empowered and you are not scrambling. Practical tip three, know your options. So here's what most people don't realize. Court is not your only option. In fact, it's usually your most expensive option and the majority of femoral matters do not make it to court. So some different choices that you may have is that you can negotiate with each other. You might be able to negotiate between lawyers. You could do mediation with a neutral third party. There is collaborative law where everybody commits to staying out of the court. Maybe arbitration, but mediation is probably more of the direction that way you would go. Court is the absolute last resort, but it is there. And look, each option has different costs, timeframes and levels of control. But understanding these before you engage a lawyer means you can have an informed conversation about what is right for your situation. You know what? Sometimes you have to go to court and that is okay. But most of the time, you won't have to step foot into a courtroom. So what I aim to do is... to get you so prepared that when you walk into that first legal appointment with your lawyer, you are educated, confident, and you're not vulnerable and you're not feeling confused. Practical tip four, separation conversation. Those difficult conversations that you don't want to have, but you need to have, because at some point you are going to have the conversation and how you handle this can set the tone for your entitled you're entitled for your entire separation so here is some guidance try to choose a private calm time not during an argument be clear and direct for example i've decided we need to consider separation you don't need to justify or defend your decision highly likely it might not even come out how you intended to and you know what that's okay too sometimes it just happens Expect emotion, possibly from both sides, but try and stay grounded in your decision as much as you possibly can. You might even want to consider writing a letter if face-to-face is unsafe or unproductive, or if you feel it's probably going to be better in a letter than trying to find the words to communicate that with your partner. And we have an entire section on communication during separation because I think this is really, really important. And it really does set the tone to how your family law matter is going to go because how you start really does affect the process. So tip number five, protect yourself emotionally. The legal process is one thing, but the emotional toll of a separation can derail everything if you are not careful. Here are some strategies that you might want to consider. Build your support network now. Friends, family, therapist, whatever that might look like. Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques. Protect your energy as much as you can. Limit your exposure to toxic interactions. And remember, if you are dealing with a narcissist, I do have some tools where you can do that as well because sometimes that's applicable and we can't avoid that. But just remember, you're not just ending something. You're beginning something new. You're beginning that next chapter. And that is why I've done all this additional learning like clinical hypnotherapy. And I have that in my program. I have guided visualizations. I have everything hippy-dippy that I can think of because your mindset will either carry you through this or it will break you. And I don't want you to thrive. I don't just want you to survive. And most lawyers don't have the same thinking that I have. You have to have the legal together with the emotional. They're not two separate things. So next tip, practical tip number six, choose your lawyer wisely. Not all family lawyers are created equal. You need someone who matches your values and your approach. So when you're shopping around, here are some questions you might want to ask. What's your approach to a resolution? Do you push for court, negotiation, mediation? What does that look like for you? What are your fees and your billing practices? Are they happy to be paid at the end? Do they do legal aid if you're entitled to legal aid? Know all of that at the start. How will we communicate? Email, phone, some portal. It needs to be what you're comfortable with. What's your availability? How long is it going to take to get a response from them? How long is it going to take to get a meeting with them? Find that stuff out as well. Can you provide an estimate of cost for my situation? This should be one of the first things that they give you. You need to know what you're at for. And unfortunately, some lawyers are assholes and they can take people for a ride. But here's a money-saving tip. You do not need a lawyer for everything. The more educated you are about the process, the less time you spend paying someone to explain the basics. It's literally why I've created my program to save you thousands in legal fees by teaching you what you need to know up front. Typical tip seven, please think about the kiddies if there are any kids. So if you have children, their wellbeing is paramount and the courts should, I'm not gonna say will, should prioritise this as you too should as a parent. So some things to think about, try and keep the conflict away from the kids where possible. Maintain routines and stability where possible. Both parents staying involved is usually best unless there is a safety concern. Consider a parenting plan before things get too formal. The goal is to co-parent effectively, even when the romantic relationship has ended. It's hard, I get it, but it is possible and it's worth it for your kids. So, look, I get it, it's a lot, I know it's a lot and trying to figure it out alone while you are emotionally and exhausted and scared about the future can be a recipe for expensive mistakes. And I've mentioned it before, but I'm going to throw it in again at the end. Obviously you can approach this however you want, but I am the lawyer that loves to help people save money, get through their family law matter as quickly as possible with more money in their pocket. And it's why I created my program. It is self-paced online course or program that walks you through every step of that separation process. from that initial brain dump all the way to the end to filing for divorce or finalizing your matter through consent orders or a VFA. So just to confirm, you will get step-by-step modules and lessons covering everything from relation breakdown to documentation. I'm literally trying to get everything in there from A to Z. I have templates and I have checklists and I have resources that you can use immediately. And there is so, so, so much more and we are adding to it constantly. So here are some of my final thoughts. If you are starting this journey, I do want you to know something. You are stronger than you think. Yes, this is hard. Yes, it's going to challenge you. But on the other side of this is a life that you have chosen, a future you have designed and a peace that you have earned. You do not need to do this alone. You don't have to figure it out all by yourself and you definitely don't have to break your bank account in the process. Just take it one step at a time. Get educated, build your support and remember that divorce does not have to break you or your bank account. If you are interested in my program, please check out the details below and there's all of the other links below as well where you can find further information about me or prior podcasts, programs, how to work with me, everything. If there's something not there, reach out and we can help you. But in the meantime, thank you for listening to this DCM show today. If this episode did help you, please share it with someone else who may need to hear it. As I said, you can find all my details below and I look forward to continually helping you in the future. But until next time, please be kind to yourself, trust the process and remember, you've got this. Take care.
