Welcome back to the podcast for this week today i want to talk about something that um has actually surprised me and something i don't think that is talked about enough and what is this Stacy um why recovery has been harder than the treatment itself. So if you've been following long, I was diagnosed with stage three, well, three T one cervical cancer just before Christmas and treatment started the week of Christmas. But now that the bulk of the treatment has stopped, I'm struggling. I am struggling more than what I was during treatment. And I just don't think that the recovery stage that I have seen at least is discussed enough. Sorry, I've just done the teleprompter now. So when you hear that, and if you haven't been through this cancer route, it might look confusing. Treatment should be the hard part, right, not the recovery. I'm using recovery like this because I think that's a very loose term as well. But, you know, I've been through chemo, I've been through external radiation, I've been through internal radiation with brachy, I lived at the hospital for basically two months. You've got the side effects. You've got all the scans. You've got the fact that you can't commit to anything because nothing usually goes right. I ended up being at the hospital for, you know, four days. And, you know, don't get me wrong, the treatment part was intense as well. But something interesting I found happened during the treatment. I think it's because you're in action mode. There are appointments, there's doctors, there are scans, there's a plan, and sometimes a plan doesn't go to plan, so then you have to have a new plan on the day. And every week you're moving forward, but it's very, very structured. And your job is simple in a way, or my job was simple in a way, in that it was show up, get through it, go home, repeat the next day. and i think your brain goes into like a survival mode and you just focus on that next step okay what do i have tomorrow what time do i have to be there what do i have to do today for tomorrow um but something happened when the treatment finished and you know everyone was like celebrating yay you know um treatment is done you know you can go back to normal now doctors say yes the bulk of the treatment is done friends say you must be so relieved and people just assume that you can get back to normal and i was the same um but what i found is that the recovery is actually a very different challenge and first there is the physical fatigue you know treatment might be finished but your body is still catching up from the weeks of treatment beforehand So your cells are repairing, your immune system is recovering, hormones are shifting. And then suddenly you're dealing with things like exhaustion and sleep disruption and hormonal changes. Like the amount of times I want to cry now is ridiculous. Like, you know, that hasn't happened in the past. But even though the treatment phase is still technically over, there's still all these new things that are now coming. But then you have mental fatigue. So during treatment, you don't always have to process what is actually happening. It's just an appointment after an appointment after another appointment. But once everything started to slow down, I think my brain has started to catch up and you start processing everything that you had just gone through for the past few months. And sometimes that emotional wave hits after treatment as well, not during it, which is, you know, why I'm probably feeling more emotional than normal. And then there was another challenge that I guess I was expecting but not expecting or hadn't thought about, which was the amount of conflicting information about recovery. So what should you eat? What should you drink? How do you reduce the risk of cancer returning? How do you reduce the risk of secondary cancer? How do you, you know, reduce the risk of treatment not working? What supplements help? What should I avoid? And everybody has an opinion and it's all very subjective. You know, doctors say one thing, a researcher that you see on the internet says, you know, another and then there's other people on the internet that just say things that are completely different as well. And when you're trying to do everything you can to support your body, that's actually really, really overwhelming. And, you know, you're trying to heal and you are trying to make the right choices. And sometimes it feels like you're navigating that part without a clear roadmap. It's not like what it was during treatment. It's very unknown and it's just not structured like it was before. And, you know, it's interesting to see how the outside world also sees it. So once treatment is finished, people often assume that things are back to normal. And as I said, I was probably much the same. But unfortunately, the recovery side isn't a light switch. And there's going to be a process to that too. It's possibly just not as structured as what it was when I was going through the treatment. And, you know, my body is still healing. My mind is still very much processing everything that has happened, all the new things that are happening and that I need to think about. And you're starting to learn what life looks like after something that has been pretty intense. so if you are listening to this and you're going through something similar whether it's cancer recovery or any other major life challenge i want you to know something that if recovery feels harder than what you're expected that's okay you're not doing it wrong you are human and healing takes time and sometimes the quiet phase the part after the crisis is where the real work happens. And I really think that's true. So for me, recovery has become about learning how to support my body again, listening to it, being patient with it, giving myself permission to not bounce back. overnight which is possibly been the hardest um you know because this next chapter the healing stage is not a straight line and strength isn't just about getting through the hardest moments sometimes strength is about allowing yourself the space to recover properly and I don't think I've allowed myself to do that I'm getting emotional just even talking about this so um But if you are in a recovery phase of your life right now, for whatever it is, it doesn't have to be cancer, please make sure you are kind to yourself. Please make sure that you are patient with yourself and remember that healing is not a race. It is a process and every step forward still counts. So thank you for listening. I really do hope that has helped people. carers of people going through cancer. I think that the carers side is not discussed enough either I mean I obviously have it from my perspective but the people who showed up for me um I've taken me to appointments and you know been there and cooked me food or got food sent or you know came and kept me company on chemo days whatever it might be um you know what they go through as well and you know what you're You work out who your friends are when you go through something like this. You really do. So it makes that friend culling so much easier because I don't have time to waste my energy on people that can't reciprocate and give me the same. So that might seem harsh and it might seem like a really hard thing to go through, but I need to be really conscious of where my energy is. And, you know, if anything, this has also taught me is that, you know friends friends dropping away and not being there for you well you just made that decision easier for me and if you have a problem with that then that's a you problem that's not a me problem because i need to conserve my energy i don't need the high school playground pettiness it was like well hang on why did you just delete me from Facebook or why did you just do that and it's like you know what I just don't need that energy I don't have time for it I don't want it and it's not going to help me in my trade uh in you know my healing process so um that this process has also helped with that as well. So, yeah, you probably will lose friends. You'll probably gain friends. But, you know, the friends that you lost, it is what it is. And, you know, they're probably not true friends if they can't even reach out to you or, you know, see that you're okay or send you food or ask do you need anything or do you need someone to go to an appointment or do you need someone to just hang with you when you're having an off day, whatever it looks like. um you know and it is what it is and I've learned to accept that I've probably learned to accept that pretty quickly i reckon i think that part was probably pretty easy to do because it was just something that i a decision that I've made but um yeah so hopefully uh this has helped if you're going through the recovery stage you are definitely not alone because I'm i am struggling with the side of it You know, please reach out if there is something else that you want me to discuss. As I said, I've pretty much been no filter throughout my treatment. Or if you're a carer and you want me to explore something from your point of view or you know someone that's about to start their cancer journey or a recovery journey, in any form, please send them this podcast and share it far and wide because recovery is linear and it's very subjective and everybody goes through the treatment and the recovery different. But this is just what I found with mine. So again, thanks for tuning in and I'll catch you next time. Bye.
