Okay, so I'm hoping my iPad is going to last because I thought it was charged and there's not much left on it. I'm also waiting for a delivery, but I want to try and get this done before I go pick the girls up from school. So one day I'll get this floor fixed. Just waiting for the timer as usual. Hello. Before we start, I need to ask you something. If I took away everyone else's opinions, the expectations, the pressure, the relationships, the job title, the need to keep everybody happy, would you actually know what you want because a friend messaged me recently and said something that honestly had stopped me in my tracks and she said i feel like i need someone to tell me what to do and i don't even know what makes me happy anymore Sorry, edit the cough part out. And I sat there thinking about how to respond. And Ashley don't think she's alone. And heck, I don't even know what truly makes me happy either. What made me happy twelve months ago probably no longer makes me happy today. And then throw in the cancer diagnosis and that really does mix things up. And in fact, I think there's so many people walking around functioning perfectly fine on the outside, going to work, parenting, replying to emails, paying bills showing up for everybody else but internally completely disconnected from themselves and that itself does contribute to separations and this episode is for that person the person who is exhausted from trying to figure out the right decision the person who is overthinking the person asking everybody else what they should do the person who is secretly thinking, why can't I just work out what I want? Because I would like you to hear this today. You are not confused because you are incapable of something. You are confused because you've been disconnected from yourself for too long. And that can happen so quietly. Sometimes it happens in relationships, sometimes motherhood, sometimes burnout, sometimes illness. Sometimes survival mode. Sometimes people pleasing. Sometimes you spend so many, many years being who everybody else needed you to be that one day someone asks, what do you want? And your brain just plays elevator music. Like you can't even think of elevator music to play. There's nothing there. ecstatic the windows are all shutting down unexpectedly computers frozen tabs are gone because somewhere along the way you stop checking in with yourself that's assuming you were doing that in the first place and i think this is where values become really important Not in a corporate seminar kind of way where someone hands you a worksheet and says, circle your top five values. And they're all generic and very blech. I mean real values. The things that make you feel like you. the good you, maybe not the mediocre you, and the things that give you energy, good energy instead of draining that energy, the things that make life feel aligned instead of forced. Because when you live too far away from your values for too long, your body usually starts to tell you. So it might start showing up as anxiety. resentment, exhaustion, numbness, feeling trapped, constantly irritated, emotionally flat, or feeling like your life looks fine on paper, but somehow it still feels wrong or combination of all of those things. And I think a lot of people assume if I could just make the perfect decision, then I'd feel better. But often the problem is isn't the decision it's that disconnection that you have in the first place so for example If someone deeply values freedom, they may start to feel suffocated in environments that are overly controlling. If someone values connection, emotionally unavailable relationships can leave them feeling lonely even when they're not technically alone. If someone values growth, staying small for everybody else can slowly make them feel miserable. If someone values calm and safety, but chaos is all they've ever known, they may accidentally recreate drama because calm feels unfamiliar. And I think this is important that goals and values are not the same thing. A goal is a destination. A value is how you want to live while you're getting to that goal. because you can hit every goal you've ever had and still feel empty if you have abandoned yourself along the way. So you could build a business. You could buy the house. You could stay in the relationship. You could keep the peace. You can do the right thing, whatever that is. And still wake up one day thinking, why do I feel so unhappy? Because your nervous system knows when something isn't aligned, even when your logical brain is trying to talk you out of it. So if you're listening to this and thinking, cool, Stacey, I generally don't know who I am anymore. Me too. Something I'm going to have to work on myself. But here are a few quick things I would like you to try to see whether it helps. So first, think about the last time that you felt genuinely alive, not impressive, not productive, alive, like really alive. What were you doing? Who were you with? How did it feel? because there are clues there. Second, pay attention to what consistently drains you. So resentment is information. If something repeatedly makes you feel heavy, trapped, frustrated or exhausted, there is usually a reason. Third, Stop asking, what should I do? And start asking, what feels aligned for me in this moment? It doesn't have to be a month down the track. What feels aligned for me in this moment? And I think that question could change everything. Fourth, ask yourself this. If nobody judged me, what would I choose? That question, can crack open things people have been buried for years? And you know what? Who gives a fuck if somebody judges you? Like, that's probably a whole other podcast. I won't get into that because I'll get sidetracked. But I also want to say this because I do think it matters. You do not need to have your whole life figured out today or tomorrow. You do not need a complete reinvention by saying this time next week. Sometimes that first step is simply being honest enough to say, I don't actually know myself right now. And that's okay. That awareness alone is powerful because awareness can be the cookie crumb trail back home. I said cookies because I love cookies. But maybe right now your job isn't to have all the answers and that's okay. Maybe your job is to just reconnect with yourself little by little, to start to notice what feels good, what feels heavy, what feels peaceful, what could feel forced or what does feel forced, what feels like you. Because what feels like you in this moment, again, don't stress about the future or anything. We can't fix what the past has done. Let's concentrate on the now and let's just put the future to the side for a moment. Because the truth is the people who seem the most lost are often the people who spent years abandoning themselves just to survive. And there is absolutely nothing weak about that. My iPad is nearly dead. Do you know? Let's play. But there does come a point where you have to stop building a life based purely around obligation, around somebody else, and start asking yourself, what kind of life actually looks like mine? Not theirs, mine. And that question, that question could change everything. If this episode has resonated with you or made you think of someone who feels a little lost at the moment, I would love for you to send it to them. And I really do hope that that has helped my set friend and anyone else who feels like they're stuck in this situation. And stuck is probably the right word. Currently in this situation, let's say. So yeah, as always, thank you very much. Please remember to subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes. And I'll catch you next time. Bye. All right, he just survived. Ooh, got down to five percent. Somehow. All right, thanks, Jim. There was obviously a few edits in that.
