Hi, Jim. Just getting this sort of... You can still see the ends of it, can't you? Maybe I've moved it forward a bit. I won't play with it now, though, in case I break it. Put my phone on. Airplane mode. Slowly getting rid of things on my floor. Just wait for the timer to start. Oh, actually, where did that go? Sorry, I just deleted an email that I've changed my mind on. Okay. Come on, computer. Computer. Welcome back to the Stacey M Show. So at the time of recording this podcast, which is the third of June, last week I was told the news that I had been working towards the better part of six months. And those of you who have listened before and know what my journey is will know what I'm talking about. But if not, it will become clear shortly. So I'd recently had all my three monthly scans. So my PET scan came back clear. My MRI came back clear. my doctors told me that there is currently no evidence of disease. So no trace of cancer. So NAD, I'm in remission, whatever you want to call it. And, you know, again, if you've been following my journey or you haven't, you probably have expected me to be celebrating cancer. Maybe you expected tears. Maybe you expected a big announcement. Maybe you expected me to be running around shouting from the rooftops. And I did do a small announcement last week. But the truth, I haven't really. I still haven't. It's a week today, actually. And I wanted to talk about that in today's podcast because I suspect I'm not the only one who has experienced this. So whether you've gone through cancer, it could be a separation, burnout, grief, financial hardship, or really any major life challenge, there can be that strange moment where you finally get what you have been fighting for. And instead of feeling euphoric about In my case, you feel weird. And that's the best word I can find for it, weird, because I'm not quite sure what else fits. But, you know, because for six months my life has revolved around treatment for cancer, appointment scans, blood tests, dealing with the side effects, still dealing with side effects. and certainly and trying to stay positive when there were plenty of reasons not to be. And in between all that, I still had to be a mum and run my businesses. So I had chemotherapy, I had radiation, I had brachytherapy, immunotherapy, which I'm trying again next month because that has played havoc on me. I have been on steroids as high as seventy five milligrams and I still am on steroids. I've had hospital visits. I've So many things. I have explored holistic approaches alongside my Western medicine. I have been more mindful with how I eat. I have worked on my mindset. I have meditated. I have consistently earthed or grounded since the week between Christmas and New Year. Absolutely swear by grounding or earthing. i did all the things i felt were within my control at the time and thankfully right now all of that has worked and i'm incredibly grateful for that don't get me wrong but here's the part nobody really prepares you for because i wasn't prepared for it either um you know that scan may come back clear or the report might be clear but i find that your nervous system doesn't suddenly switch off overnight And for months I have been waiting for these results. I thought waiting three months was going to be the longest period on my life. I've been waiting for the appointments. I've been waiting for that next piece of information. I've been waiting for someone to tell me whether I was winning or losing. So when I was finally told there was no evidence of the cancer, a part of me almost didn't know what was. to do with that information because cancer isn't like having a broken arm. And I haven't had a broken bone before that I'm aware of, but stay with me. You don't get told you're fixed and then never think about it again, like in the case of a broken arm, perhaps. but the reality is i will probably always carry some level of awareness and that may ease over time but some level of wondering some level of hoping some level of fear that it could come back and before anyone jumps in and says don't think like that um i think it's important to acknowledge the reality So I don't think I live in fear and I don't want to, but I also don't want to live in denial, even though I find myself a pretty optimistic person and really think the placebo is effective. something that is really strong, they can get you through things and it's true. But, you know, these things can also be true. And I can be incredibly grateful for the results from last week and still acknowledge that cancer has changed me. And I think one of the biggest lessons I have learned is that healing and certainty are not the same thing. So the scans can be clear, the treatment can be successful, and yet there is still uncertainty. And that is life. And the truth is none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Cancer just forced me to look at that reality earlier and more closely than perhaps what most people do. So will I celebrate? Maybe. but probably not in the way people would expect you to be celebrating a cancer remission or NAD announcement. For me, a celebration might look like booking a trip um spending more time with my daughters i did say we're going to go back to more experiences more than buying the things uh it could be as simple as watching a sunset or the sunrise when i'm grounding in the morning um it might be building the businesses i still want to build even though i said i need to be less busy not more busy it might be just recording the next podcast or this podcast It might be making plans I wasn't sure I'd get to make since months ago. You know, maybe celebration isn't always, you know, confetti and champagne and balloons and everything. Maybe sometimes celebration is simply continuing to live. And I also want to say something for anyone listening who is waiting for their own result right now. Any result, it could be a medical result, it might be a court outcome, it could be a financial decision or it could be something completely different. If you get the result that you've been hoping for and you don't feel how you thought you were supposed to feel, that's okay. There is no right way to process good news or news after a hard season. So sometimes joy arrives quietly. Sometimes relief takes time. Sometimes your heart needs a little longer to catch up with the reality. And you know what? That's okay too. As for me, uh, today i'm grateful i try and be grateful every single day i'm not a study i suppose i'm not dancing on tables i'm not pretending that i have everything figured out i'm just grateful um you know for for everything I suppose I am grateful to be here I'm grateful to be recording this podcast I'm grateful for the doctors who have helped me I'm grateful for the holistic practitioners who are on this journey with me I'm grateful for my family I'm grateful for every person who has supported me and I can tell you what um you don't know who your friends are until you go through something like this so it's a good way to have a bit of a um declutter with a few different things but that's probably for a different podcast um you know i'm grateful for today at this point in time that there is no evidence of disease um and but now i think that is enough So I do want to thank you for being a part of this journey with me. I know it hasn't finished yet, but hopefully I'm starting my new journey. And I would love for you to share this episode because you never know who is quietly carrying something heavy and waiting for permission to feel exactly how they feel because there is no right way. to feel things. So if you need permission, this is permission granted to feel how you feel and not to live up to someone's expectations as to how you should feel. So do remember to subscribe so you are up to date and you get notified when the new podcasts are released. And thanks for listening and I'll catch you next time. Stay safe. Bye. Thanks, Jim.
