All right. I've hit record. I'll just wait for the timer to start because I've started recording before and it hasn't worked. So, like, if I wait for the timer to appear, then we should be okay. Okay. I wonder whether there's an echo edit mic settings. I know you've got echo cancellation on. All right, let's see where we go. Still waiting. Come on. Hey, okay, you ready? Hi and welcome to another episode of the Stacey M Show. I'm here with the amazing Erin Davis and today we are talking all things money and predominantly female living relationships or having relationships and and having a chat about money and how, you know, we can make that process easier when you are in a separation. So I'm going to have Erin introduce herself and, yeah, we'll get started. So, Erin, give us your elevator pitch. Well, thanks for having me, Stacey. I am Erin Davis. I am an accountant. I have been for about thirty years and I really love helping women to get confident with their money and get in control. So that means women in business, women on wages, everybody can just get better with managing their money because i know that when you are money just gives you the freedom and the choice to do what it is that you want to do so i really just help women to be in control get confident make decisions feel like they are the ones that are in charge and leading their money instead of being so reactive all the time with money so that's me That's a pretty good elevator pitch. Oh, thanks. Just on the spot. So I guess first of all we'll start. This is applicable to males as well. Like females is your speciality. So, you know, any men listening, you know, this is still relevant. But, you know, I know for a lot of females and males that, you know, Control with money is limited sometimes in a relationship due to financial issues, things being hidden or there's usually one person that's the controller of the money. So pays the bills and, you know, it does all those things. If you're the person in the relationship that doesn't really have the control of the money, whether that's, you know, on purpose because someone's trying to control you or you simply just haven't taken on that role in the family, how would you propose somebody get more across their finances? to know that, you know, it's okay in the event, you know, whether irrelevant that they're going to be separating or not, but just, yeah, to get their hands in it so that they have a basic understanding of what perhaps the finances do look like. Yeah, and I think, you know, that question is a bit, it's different depending on your circumstances. So if you are in a relationship where it's quite amicable, there's sort of roles that have been just decided within the relationship without even really choosing. That's what happened in our relationship. I think being the accountant, I have just always taken on the money role and that's just naturally how it progressed. But for us... Having conversations is really important. And so my husband, not that I was controlling all of the money, but I was the one that looked after it. I managed it. He wasn't really interested in it, but I felt like that that gave me so much responsibility for our family. So if you are on the other side of that and you are the one that is isn't across all of your money, what I would suggest that you do is start to have conversations, you know, start to show some interest in the bills that are getting paid, the bank accounts that you have, you know, just start asking some questions and having open and honest conversations. And I know that that can be a little tricky if the situation is different where there is a controller and they aren't allowing you to have any interest or information regarding your financial situation. But I would then start to think about, well, what is it that I need to do to improve my financial literacy? So the one part is actually knowing what's going on within your family. And as I said, some people can have that open conversation within the relationship and you can just start to learn and start to do things together. If you can't have that open conversation, what can you do to start improving your own financial literacy? So You know, what podcasts can you listen to? What books can you read? What can you, who can you follow on social media? Just to start to raise your awareness around, well, what does it mean to have friends income and expenses or a profit and loss because you can have a profit and loss in your business and also in your personal life too and what does a balance sheet look like what does my net worth look like you know what do I need to do to start to get ahead what does superannuation look like so I think there's ways that you can improve your own financial literacy Even if the relationship is very controlling and you're not privy to the information within your family, I think you can still take some ownership about, well, what do I need to learn and how do I need to improve that situation? Yeah, and I think even to go back. Like my kids are starting to, or my eldest, you know, has got a job. This is kind of stuff that I don't teach at school. I didn't teach it when I was at school. I'm probably like yourself or even at uni, like doing my legal degree. Like there was none of that involved. So I think even going back a step and knowing how to maybe set things up or what... it looks like to earn money and how much you save, how much you can spend, what's your play money, and knowing, like, what bills are coming in and, you know, oh, I want to afford this really expensive holiday. Well, can I really afford it? And then credit card debt. So I think there's probably a lot to unpack even, like, prior to a relationship. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Maybe let's go... towards finishing school, so maybe like a month or so onwards. What do you think a basic... I know I'm jumping around a little bit, but I think to discuss that part probably will help us discuss the rest of what we're going to do. Yeah, yeah. But what do you reckon are the basic, like, one-on-one things people should be looking across about their finances? Yeah. And this is a really important piece because as we're getting older, we're trying to figure this stuff out now. So if we were to go back to when we were just finishing high school, what were the things that we should have known that would have helped us to set ourselves up? And I'm having these conversations with my kids too. And I think the really important thing is that time in the market is so important. So my kids have set up salary sacrifice from their part-time jobs. They're not earning a lot, but they have just set up very simple employer salary sacrifice. They don't have to think about it. And I think even though they don't completely understand what it is that they are doing, they are taking those steps to create some wealth. So first of all, we got it set up and I had conversations with them at the time as to what it all meant. But we continue to have those conversations. We're also looking at setting up different bank accounts for them. They're putting money into... like a spend account then they're putting money into saving for for their first car so for our kids they needed to save half of what they earned and put it into a car account we contributed to buying their car with them but we weren't paying for the whole thing so I think just as parents being really open about the things that are happening within the home and with finances is important. That's a teaching piece to kids because they're starting to learn. But I also think, you know, we pick up on our parents' thoughts about money, ideas about money, relationship with money, their beliefs, their system. And so I think it's really important that we need to take a moment to look at well what are we thinking about money how are we behaving with money before we then unload that to our kids but if we think about well what are the the one-on-one steps you know having separate bank accounts for specific things is really cool um setting up salary sacrifice is a nice easy quick win that you can do it's set and forget you don't even have to think about it um starting to educate yourself on What is debt? What is the implications of like buy now, pay later? Afterpay is huge. And I think we have a generation where instant gratification is massive. There's no barrier to actually purchasing. So talking to your kids about, well, what does credit look like? What's the implications of credit? How do we need to save for things? Like back in the day, we used to go and put a lay-by on and you'd have to actually go to the shop and pay the money as the lay-by and you couldn't have the item until it was all paid for. So I think, you know, starting to remember some of those old school principles about even envelopes, old school, really super old school of having money allocated into specific envelopes meant that your money was allocated and you spent what was in that envelope. You can do that digitally as well, but that concept of splitting money is really important because then you're not living beyond your means. And I think people get into trouble financially when they are not living within their means. And then if you progress that out to, well, what does it look like in relationships? If you're not comfortable with your money as you're growing up, then it makes it really easy to slip into that place where somebody else can take control and you allow that control to happen. So, you know, if you can improve your financial literacy from a young age by having conversations, by being interested in And, you know, look, don't get me wrong, my kids are very much now, they're not thinking about the future, but that's where being able to have conversations with them just plants the seed. Yeah, you brought up lay-bys. Like I kind of forgot about lay-bys. Like do they still exist? Do they still exist? I don't know. He's still like a big W. He used to like put all the stuff aside that we wanted. But we still make sure there's the big ones and then we'll go like lay-by it all. And then used to get paid in cash in a little yellow envelope and, yeah, used to go pay our label eyes off. But I'm like, yeah, just label eyes I forgot about because it is instant gratification. And then from, I know from a mortgage broking perspective because that's my other business, a lot of people run into issues getting loans because of afterpaid debt or credit card and they have it spread across. Yeah. multiple lenders or multiple providers and that causes issues with them trying to get a loan in the future especially if they're being defaulted so yeah and then you stay in that cycle right like you stay in the it's really hard to get ahead because the interest payments say on a credit card you know life happens and if you just keep tapping a sort of a bit oblivious and maybe sticking your head in the sand a bit about what's actually accumulating it's really easy to rack up five thousand dollars worth of debt just by doing the ordinary things but if we're not paying attention to it that can just snowball and then all of a sudden it's really really hard to be able to get on top of like the interest payments, and you're not actually reducing the debt. So I think having conversations early about, well, what are the implications of that and how do we need to manage it? It comes back to, I think, you know, that can you afford it? Like, honestly, can you afford it? And this is not about saying, no, you can't have it, but what's the priority right now and is it within my means? And I think we are so materialistic that we are just wanting – all the things, all the new things. We want to keep up with the gadgets. We want to go on the holidays. Like international travel is so accessible. But back when we were growing up, you know, if somebody went on an overseas holiday, it was like, oh, my God, that is huge. Now every second person goes on an overseas holiday and if you haven't been, well, it's like, oh, so what's wrong with you type of thing. So I think our expectations are very different and we just want everything now and we're not prepared to do the systems and the slow, you know, set things up properly to allow for these choices to happen that then feel really good and feel aligned and, you know, we're spending in alignment with what's important to us. And following on from kind of talking about kids to then in relationships, preparing to leave or having left a relationship, a lot of people think that they can still have the life that they had during that relationship. So whether that was one you could afford. like, you know, keeping up with the Joneses or having that really nice car or the dickhouse or whatever, sometimes you need to go back to basics and go small again, I suppose, to be able to set yourself back up post-separation. So... sometimes it takes people a little bit to to leave because they're setting themselves up so we would say you know start a separate bank account and start putting a little bit of funds in there you still have to disclose it so it's not like yes it might be a secret bank account but it's a secret bank account that's going to come out like in your separation type thing So do you have any advice for people who might be trying to set themselves up and creating a bank account or to prepare for them to leave? Any advice just around obviously how much money to put in there is a bit hard depending on people's budgets and stuff. But any advice just in relation to maybe just preparing to leave? I think if you get a clearer picture on what are the costs that you are going to incur when you leave. So, you know, what does your housing situation look like? Do you have to pay rent or are you going to buy somewhere? what insurances do you have, what vehicles, what electricity costs, starting to get a bit of an idea of what are things going to cost me if I were to step out and do this by myself. And so I think that that is a really important piece because it just gives you information. Once you have the information, then you can start to build towards, well, you know, they say three months worth of expenses in an emergency fund that's huge for a lot of people but if you can just start to get an idea of well what is it going to cost me for rent what do I need to pay what a grocery is going to be but I think also too like you said changing those expectations if you are used to one certain way of living on two wages or two very high wages to now go to one wage where you are responsible for everything, something has to change. And it doesn't mean it needs to be forever. It's just a moment in time. But I think it's about what is best for you overall staying in the relationship or separating and starting again effectively, but doing it your way and having control over things the way that you want to do. So to start with, I would say, have a look at what estimate of costs you're going to be up for, gives you a bit of an idea of what sort of plan you can work with. And then about having a look at well, what is the current income situation? What is your availability to cash at the moment? How can you start to put some money aside? But that also might mean that you need to change your lifestyle right now in order to prepare yourself for when you step away, that instead of going and spending it over here, you're just redirecting it into a place where you can access it later because you know that that's more important to you at that point. Yeah, I know finances are usually one of the first things we discuss, well, I at least discuss as a lawyer with somebody looking to leave a relationship because people have a lot of stress about it and, you know, well, what do I need for my property settlement to buy a house or I want to keep the family home and sometimes that's not realistic. So we'll say, you know, go have a chat. to a broker or a bank and find out what your situation is on your own and, you know, see what that looks like. And, you know, it might be that you've got to, I don't know, sell the car, did not have the loan to then buy a cheaper car but doesn't have a loan, for example. Yeah. Or, you know, you just might have sacrificed location or you might have to rent this or whatever that looks like. Just being open to exploring those different things, you know, I think coming back to what is the reason for the separation, where are you headed, what is it that you want and what is more important for you? Is it the separation and you stepping out on your own or are you prepared to stay and put up with whatever's going on but have the lifestyle. So it comes back to where do you want to go and what do you want to do? And then how do you educate yourself about what is the next step? Who do you need to speak to? Who do you need to have in your corner? Who can you rely on? Who is in that village to be able to help and guide you? Which can be really daunting for a lot of people because they don't know where to start. They don't know what to do. But I think if you have that bit of an idea on costs of what it is going to be on your own, that is really important. But I think, like you said, Stress and worry is huge, particularly around that separation space. You're used to living a life in a particular way. It is now going to look very different when you're doing it by yourself. Yeah, and the whole staying or leaving a relationship is like a whole other... Oh, totally, totally. Yeah, look, I am not qualified in that space whatsoever. I'm just speaking very, very broadly from a very, you know, top-level financial perspective. I totally understand there's so many different reasons for separation, but it's what's in your control and what can you... Where are your gaps and then where can you get some support to be able to help to fill those gaps? Yeah, so let's now go post-relationship. So, you know, the relationship's ended, we've had like a property settlement, all that stuff we've done. There's someone that's potentially rebuilding. what would your advice be in relation to the finances that way? So, you know, I know you're not a financial advisor, but it could be that you've received a large sum of money. It might be that you haven't received as much as what you wanted. You're maybe getting financial independence for the first time in your life. You know, we know that a lot of people who win Lotto blow their money really, really quickly. So, you know, making sure that you don't kind of blow your money unless that's your choices and know what the consequences are of that. What would your advice be? Kind of we've got the money, now what do we do? I would think just pump the brakes for a little bit. Like it's been a huge emotional journey with the separation to start with. So pump the brakes, don't rush into anything. And really start to get clear on what's important to you. What is the life that you want to live? What are those goals and things that you have? And then get really clear on what it costs you. Jackie Clark talks about the cost to open your front door. And I absolutely love that idea because once you know the cost to open your front door, so that is, you know, my housing costs, my groceries, my fuel, my car, my my insurance, my electricity, how much do I need every single week? You can then start to get some really clear foundations about, well, this is what I need every week. What do I do with the excess? Like where do I need to go or who do I need to see? Because like you said, people come into a lot of money and then they blow it because they don't know how to handle it. So I would just like pump the brakes a little, know exactly how much it costs you to live week to week, and then decide what is the longer term goal. It's not about having everything all figured out, but I think if you have the idea about, you know, this is the direction I want to go in, then you can start to reverse engineer. Well, okay. what funds have i got available what is that going to allow me to do you know so i'm not just going to go and blow it all on this massive big house that i then can't afford to pay so that i'm going to be in another situation that's you know not ideal so i think it's really about getting very clear on your current costs and then where do you want to go what is that place that you want to end up five ten years time doesn't matter but having that clear direction And then you can start to bring in those people around you to help you, to guide you through that decision. But I think, you know, having a lot of money can also be super scary for a lot of people. Just the same as having no money can be super scary. You know, all of a sudden you've got an abundance of money and you've got free choice and free will to go and spend and do whatever you want. that's where you need to just go, well, hang on a second, what's the smart moves here? And, you know, sometimes the smart moves are often the boring moves. They're not the things that are the bright and shiny objects, but they are the things that are going to set you up long-term and create that long-term wealth so that you will always have financial independence and financial choice and financial control. And when you have that, you are then the one leading your money rather than just being so reactive all the time. And a lot of people are against renting. So I know the amount of people that think they've got to go buy a house right away or something to live in and you can appreciate the why of that as well. But if you have to rent somewhere in the short term to get that longer term goal, like whether it's the rent vesting, whether it's just renting to work out how you're going financially, whatever it is, going back through a renting is okay it's not a step backwards it's having that moment as you said to kind of ground yourself and work out how you're going on your own and then you know then being able to maybe look at buying or buying an investment property enjoying or invest or whatever that might be not not rushing if you think you have to buy another home home is whatever you make it whether you're renting it or not i know that you know That's a general overreach. I know you can't exactly make it your own with pitches and sometimes that type of thing. But if that's what you need to do in the short term for the long-term goal, that's okay as well. And I think it's about being really kind to yourself. You've just been through a huge emotional journey with the separation. And even if it's an amicable separation, there's still an emotional rollercoaster that goes with that. And it's now about finding your feet and finding you and stepping into your ability to manage your finances by yourself. Like even if you had a partner that you did have good money conversations with, you were still... doing things together, like there was somebody there to bounce ideas off, you know, you're doing it, you're not making all of these decisions on your own. So if this is very new to you, just rushing out and buying a home is a massive commitment if you are not comfortable with making decisions on your own just yet. So I think give yourself a little bit of grace to just settle into this new way of being for you and, again, start to figure out where your gaps are in your financial literacy because these gaps are can cost you a lot of money if you are not uh starting to work on them or being aware of them and you just rush straight into doing something a home is a massive commitment and if you can't manage your money if you aren't aware of what your debts are and i know that a bank will go through these type of things with you but they are not the ones that are managing your day-to-day spending and so you could you know show the bank for a short period of time yet we're good we can manage all of this you get into your home and then all of a sudden it's free reign and you do whatever you want that's where you can really get yourself into trouble so i would like just pump the brakes a little bit and just give yourself a bit of space So what about tracking? So, you know, we all know about the good old Excel spreadsheets. I still use Excel spreadsheets, but I'm not a formula person. I'll do, like, equals number plus number enter. That's about the extent of my formulas in Xero. I know that you use AI. So how do you easily track? numbers and budgets and things like that. Yeah, see, look, I am not huge on a budget. I find that that ends up being really restrictive and then you start to hate on yourself because you can't stick to a budget. And it's a bit like diet culture, right? That you go on a Monday, yep, I've got to get good with money. I've got to do this. I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to eat really well for the whole week. You do really well. And then you blow it on the weekend and then Monday you're back to it again. So I tend to think a budget is a bit like that, that you go really hard for a little bit and then all of a sudden it just blows out and it's like, oh man, I can't do it. So I'm not going to do it anyway. But I think even just real old school, you know, print your bank statements out and highlight is easy enough. I don't think we need to overcomplicate things. I would just have a look at what my expenses were, say, for the last six months, and you can do it simply. You can do a spreadsheet. A lot of the banking apps allow you to categorise your expenses on their platforms now. You could print your bank statements out and just highlight it in different colours. know what those costs are for the previous six months gives you a really good idea about what your standard of expenses are then you can start to allocate money and you know then you've got a bills account then you've got a fun account you've got a savings account you've got different areas where you're putting your money and once the money goes into that account you know that that is spent It's spent for that particular reason and for that particular purpose. So I tend to think of budgeting a bit like that rather than, you know, I've only got this amount to spend. No, well, this is what the category is and I've put it over here and I'll just let it sit there. But when I need to spend it, I spend it out of that account and there's guilt-free spending because I know it's already allocated. It's already done. so i think you know there's there's no one way to do it there's no um you must do it this way in order to achieve what it is that you want i think it's about finding a system that works for you it doesn't need to be complicated it doesn't need to be huge if you're a whiz on excel you could put it all into excel you could put your information into chat or claude but then you know make sure you don't put your bank account number in there. Any identifying things, you don't want to upload that information in there. But I think it's really then coming back to sitting with how does it make me feel? What are the actions I'm going to take? What are the steps I need to do? Because whatever you create, you want to make it sustainable. You want to make it something that is going to be able to be done long term and if you are this person that has shiny object syndrome and you check chase the next best thing you need really simple structures with flexibility otherwise you're not going to stick to it you're going to just like throw it all out and not come back to it at all so I think it's really important to not overcomplicate, but go back to the real basics of what's coming in, what's going out. Like effectively, that's what it is. That's what it comes down to. What's coming in, what's going out. And does what goes out, does that feel aligned? Is that with intention or am I just doing it because I've always done it? Yeah. So would you have any final words on just finances in general, whether that's something we haven't quite touched on yet or just re-emphasising something that we've discussed? So even a quick win, someone might be able to get out of today's episode. Yeah. So putting that on. Yeah, well, actually one of my clients last night, we were sharing our wins in our group coaching call and it was where are they now compared to where they were when they first started? And I think it's really important to take note of the progress that you've made because sometimes it feels like it's such a long slog to get to where you want to be. But we need to recognise the progress along the way And like one of my clients last night, she sent a video to our group chat. She had sixty seven dresses that she found in her daughter's closet on the floor throughout the house. seventeen of those dresses she had worn, the rest of them had tags on it. And so, you know, there's there's over fifty dresses or I don't know what the number was, over fifty dresses there that she was like, oh, my God, look at what I've spent. And she had no idea. And I think it's really important to come back to what's the intention and what is important to me, what am I actually spending, not what I think I'm spending, you know, actually track it somehow and then make really aligned decisions about what's important to you. Is growing your wealth the important piece? Is the financial independence like setting yourself up so you are financially independent? Is retirement the focus for you or do I need to just focus on getting through right now? Like get really clear on what it is that you want so then you can be really intentional with your money and then think about where the gaps are because when you up-level, when you start to learn, there's always something new to learn. And I think if you approach things as always being a learner, then you are able to absorb these things around us. That can also lead to, sorry to jump around, but it can also lead to overwhelm too. So, so much information can create the overwhelm. You don't even know where to start, but that's where I would just stick to one strategy or stick to one person that you align with, follow what they do, learn what you need to do. And then as you grow in your financial literacy, you can then start to ask better questions and then you can start to expand your horizons. But, you know, I think starting is the most important part. Start from wherever you're at. We can't change what's happened in the past, but what do you want to do going forward? And then just start moving. It's literally one foot in front of the other. That sounds amazing and pretty achievable. So thank you so much. We could like keep on going forever. So maybe we'll speak to you in another episode in the future. Finance is huge, isn't it? Like there's so many conversations relate to finance and it is such a big cause of argument, stress, worry, overwhelm. But it can also lead to such beautiful experiences, so much love and joy and giving as well. But, you know, I think it's about how do we create, where do we need to up-level in our situation? Yeah, a hundred percent. I said, yeah, there's definitely so many more things we can chat about and we're going to have to book more dates in to chat because we haven't touched the business side. We haven't done like investment. Like there's all the things. Yeah, so many things. So today was a quick one-on-one, but obviously people can work with you one-on-one, speak with one-on-one as well. So we'll make sure we pop all the links in the show notes. But do you want to quickly just mention how people can work with you in case people are wanting to take action? Yeah, sure. So I have got a twelve-week program. It's called the Grounded Rich Girl Program and we do this. It is the foundations, the basic one-on-ones, getting really clear on where you are right now, what is it that you want, helping you to improve that financial literacy so that you can make decisions, you can decide what it is that you want to do. So that's a group coaching program. And then we have a one on one where we go super deep and we do the implementation because a lot of people actually get stuck with implementing. They know what they should do, but they don't actually do it. So I do one on one and we do implementation, which is so cool because that's where we see the real progress because people are actually making the change. They're doing the work. And as I said, shiny object syndrome means it's easy to get distracted. So having that accountability and that check-in and doing the work together means that we make real progress. And I'm just, I love, love, love this type of work. It is life-changing, seriously life-changing for you, your family, your kids, everyone around you. That's so beautiful. Doing the thing is the hardest part. It's the implementation. It's the overwhelm from doing the thing, especially if you're not that way minded. So the fact that you help people to do that. And I think being the accountant as well, I understand the compliance. I understand the tax. Not that I give financial advice because that's not my wheelhouse, but, you know, I'm able to explain things in a really simplistic, easy-to-understand way and we go as fast or as slow as you need to, which then makes you feel really supported and it's achievable. Yeah, well, that sounds absolutely amazing. I probably need that myself. There's so many things I just don't implement. We may need to chat too, but... Thank you so much for joining me today. I think we'll definitely have to tee up some other episodes in the future. But as I said, if you want to work with Erin, we'll make sure that the links are in the show notes. But, yeah, thank you for listening. Remember to subscribe and share this with anybody if you don't know who you're kind of maybe planning to leave or might need a bit more guidance with us on any side. So thanks so much again, Erin, for joining us. And, yeah, we'll catch you next episode. Thank you.
