Hi and welcome to another episode of the Stacey M Show. Today we are speaking about death which is something that sounds a little bit morbid but it's something I have tried to get people to speak about at least for the past sixteen years as a lawyer because I see where things go wrong when things are not in place correctly when someone unexpectedly passes away. And we're discussing that today with the lovely Ash from Yellow Falcon, who unfortunately did find herself a widow at twenty nine. And we're going to discuss from a legal perspective and from a widow's perspective what that looks like and how we can help you on that. the journey, I don't know if the journey is the right word, and how we can help you, you know, Ash can help you from the journey side from a widower's perspective with helping you through the emotional side and all of the, you know, that type of thing. And from my side, you know, the importance of having that estate planning and insurances in place is Because, yeah, over my, you know, sixteen years, twenty years in the legal industry, I've seen it go really, really bad and I've seen it really go well. And the difference is people planning for the worst case. So, Ash, if you didn't want to give, I suppose, your introduction, which leads into your story. And, yeah, we'll see what we how we can help people today. Amazing. Thank you so much for having me. I think the best way to sort of introduce myself is to actually go straight into the story. So my story really started in twenty twenty. And I know that everyone hears that year and they just sort of shut up because twenty twenty was such a. hard year, challenging year with COVID. My year started in January. I lost my father-in-law after a very short and aggressive illness. And then in March, I was actually stood down from my role. So I was working in the travel industry. And of course, with COVID, the industry was just totally decimated and really not required. So I was on stand down from my role in March. And then in June, we, well, my husband and I, we actually found out that we were pregnant. So such amazing news. We were hopeful for a few months. So this news was just wonderful in a time that was really uncertain and really kind of negative around us. So we're very lucky to receive that beautiful news of being pregnant. And it was actually only three weeks later that we found out that we were welcoming not one, not two, but three babies into the world. huge shock uh as you can imagine that in one hit right yeah exactly right um i mean look i i often say hopeful for one and blessed with three so um yeah obviously a huge combination of shock but honestly such genuine excitement we just felt so lucky this was just amazing news um to be yeah welcoming three babies um so that was in june And then in August, we actually celebrated our wedding anniversary. I didn't know that it would be our last wedding anniversary together. The following week, my husband went out for his usual morning run, but he didn't return home. He was involved in an accident and passed away at the scene. So I was seventeen weeks pregnant with triplets. I was on stand down from my job and now I've just lost my husband. Obviously, huge shock and really felt terrified in that moment of, okay, how do I even do this? Just to share a bit more about the story before I think we really dive into the realities of that situation. Welcome to the babies in January of twenty twenty one. Thankfully, they were thirty four weeks, which is a miracle for triplets, spent a fair bit of time in NICU. So that comes with its own trauma. And that's probably a whole nother podcast itself. And then twelve days after they were born, my granddad had a full sustained brain injury and passed away without me being able to say goodbye. So this twelve month period, and ironically, my grandfather's passing was essentially twelve months to the date of losing my father in law. So totally bookended year of loss of losing three male father figures in my life and then also the contrast of the joy of welcoming and even the relief of welcoming our three babies but also entering that chapter as a you know grieving all of those losses but of course grieving the loss of my husband and their dad um but the combination of being yeah a widow a solo mum and a triplet mum all wrapped into one so That was twenty twenty for me. Pretty brutal year, to say the least. And a year that has absolutely been a life defining moment for me as well. I got tea running down my face. Oh, my God. That is a lot. That is such a lot. I think I've really had to work hard to be able to articulate that. I know that when I do even these podcasts, I can say it in a fairly factual way and that's definitely a coping strategy uh and then I usually end a podcast and then just burst into tears because I I remember the reality and I um even in isolation each of those situations you just go like if you heard that on the news you'd go oh my God that poor girl and I'm like this is me this is my reality in my life and it just I think I am still obviously trying to fathom the magnitude of all of it Yeah, and it, you know, it might be something that you never fathom. Like, you know, it's to lose one person alone can be a lot than to lose three, including your husband, and welcoming three healthy babies. I mean, I know one of the years, I think we had, I think it was around COVID, we had like ten funerals from my side of the family, and I think we'd hit like August or something. Not all of those... family members like we were close to but you know it's it's still a lot to process and especially when you have a close relationship with those people it's you know and you're stood down from your job like that's a hell of a lot for somebody to process and um when When the deaths happened, I mean, you have Yellow Falcon to help people and corporations help people through that grieving process and it's taken you a few years, I think, to get there because that's a lot. You're now a single mum and, you know, you've got three very active kids and, you know, you just lost like the father figures like in the kids' lives. At the time, what was it like? from like the business end of a death whereas you have like a will in the estate and everything to go through an insurance policies um were you prepared for any of that when it happened and what Yeah, I mean, I know from a client perspective, it's incredibly stressful. I mean, I'm entitled to insurance now having gone through cancer and I'm stressed about it. So I can't imagine people who are not familiar with that world going through it because I know what it's like for me in being familiar with it. So what was that process like at the time of either your husband's death or your in-laws or your grandfather's death? Yeah, I mean, naturally, the loss of my husband has a greater immediate impact on my life. So with that situation, I immediately just shut down like my body just decided we're not going to work anymore um and that was incredibly confronting uh to just experience that emotional side but very quickly the reality had to be you know um faced as well so I actually vividly remember uh three days in And my family sat me down. And at this point, I actually had not spoken to anyone. I had not even opened my mouth at all. I had not walked. And so day three, my family very carefully asked if I had access to our finances. And that was actually the most loving question they could have asked me. They asked it with so much sensitivity. And I was able to respond. And it was the first time I spoke. I said, yes, I know where everything is. I built the spreadsheet. So I had the detail and they were relieved. They thought that that would be my answer, but that's not always the case, particularly for a female. So that was a very loving question because they wanted to make sure that, you know, they knew that the bills were still going to come out, that, you know, direct debits were going to happen, whether there was, you know, money in the account or not. So that was the first time that I felt really like, okay, grief kind of has to pause for a moment here there is a very real side that has to be addressed um so that sort of made me think and i did feel very relieved and i was able to speak with clarity and that's because i did have the visibility but not just the visibility i had the logins i understood the strategy behind the money as well so i felt quite empowered in that moment The second moment that really I think highlighted their reality was and, you know, what kind of has made me see this as an opportunity to support others is the funeral director handing me twenty certified death certificates after the funeral service. And she passed this paperwork to me and I said, so what do I do with that? And she just replied. oh, Ash, you're probably going to need a lot more. And in that moment, I still actually had no idea. So after the loss, you of course go into the emotional side, you're planning the funeral service, and really the funeral director holds you pretty tightly for the first two weeks. After that point, that's it. Unless you're seeing a psychologist for support or you've already got, say, a financial advisor or a lawyer supporting you, ultimately you're on your own. And those professionals, including yourself, they play a piece of the puzzle. They have a temporary role and a very important role, but they kind of do their remit. And I just remember thinking, but what do I do? Like no one was guiding me through it. So I went searching for checklists online. I was like Googling everything. I was calling, you know, government agencies. And what I quickly found was that everyone was just telling me their bit. And there was no connection between any of it. And so I just remember feeling really confused as to, well, where do I even start? What am I meant to say? And I had no idea how everything kind of linked together as this gigantic puzzle. So I think that was really the moment when I realized how hard this was, my natural instinct as a project manager was to build a spreadsheet. So I just started documenting everything. And honestly, it was more because of my grief brain. I just couldn't retain the information. And I just needed a system to start documenting everything down. And a spreadsheet allowed me to make changes rather than writing it in a book. So honestly, I just built a spreadsheet. That spreadsheet was all of the tasks, all of the people I spoke to, and it became over four hundred and ninety seven rows. of data. And that's kind of really where I realized the complexity of this. And like I said, that everything kind of connects as well. So that sort of really was my own coping strategy and the reality of stitching everything together, despite having professionals supporting me, but also knowing that they only play a role in the whole scheme of things. Yeah, I'm like disgusted that yeah right um so from the way i've always practiced and that's why i've done international and legal i'm sorry i've done international and national legal practices and it's why i stopped because it was so impersonal and i wanted to do law my way But even going right back from education to with potential clients of clients with the importance of the wills, power as attorney, enduring guardianship, advanced care directives, all of those things, and insurance policies as well. And... you know going so far as okay so funeral have you worked out if you want to be buried cremated do you want a service do you not want a service that's all things that we do i'm not trying to plug my services obviously you use whatever but for us it's we have that conversation at the estate planning side because we will get phone calls from people saying hi such and such has just passed away we don't know whether maybe buried or cremated am i really stressed about it do you know do you know if they have a prepaid funeral do you know whether that what songs they wanted you know what like all of that so saying that was such a burden to people that's all conversations that we have right at the start appreciate not everybody likes talking about that but the more information we have on file the more information we can give when that time comes And then, like, the importance of insurance policies as well. Like, having, like, I'm entitled to insurance, like, having been stage three cancer. And I know if I didn't have that in place, there's no way I'd be getting insurance in the future because I'd be, like, blacklisted. So even, like, from insurance side of things. But where you said your financial role, sorry, the financial advisor and your lawyer you had had their roles, I still think as professionals, like, You have to do more than what your legal hat or your financial advisor hat is. So, you know, we'll be like, there is no rush. You take the time to grieve. Here's information on the funeral if we have it or whatever. you know, barricade, a donor, medical science, whatever it might be. So we provide all that information over. We're like, let you do your thing, like just grieve and then do that and then come to us when you're ready. And yes, there are time frames, but like we can get around that, like, you know, it's six months. But, you know, and having the fact that your family did say, do you have access to Maddie? Because we've had clients be cut off when someone has passed away. and they're ringing the bank thinking that they're doing the right thing. We're saying such and such has, has now passed away. My husband, my wife, whatever it might be. And they're literally cut off even from like joint bank accounts. So it's having the conversations like, all right, so, you know, it's not a secret bank account, making sure you have access to the money in your own bank account or go create a new bank account and then move some money over in case they do cut you off. Like there's so many different little nuances and the fact that you, you felt like you had to do that alone, I think is, um disgust me for the fact that I practice differently and it's not an easy time um and you know it's it's in light of what you've gone through I suppose and how difficult that would have been at the time where you are now in being able to help people in similar situations as well so it's like kind of the the light of the tunnel type type thing um What made you get to where you are today? Like what made you go there? I've been through this. This is a terrible experience. I need to be able to help people. What was that pivoting moment for you? Was it just simply just what you described? Pretty much. I think it was really just this feeling of it shouldn't be this hard. This is not a new concept. Like we lose loved ones all the time. This is only going to continue happening. But I also wanted to shed a light on the reality because I think that as society we definitely shy away from these conversations. And I'm not saying they're easy conversations. They're not. But we can make it easier for ourselves. And I guess I have this perspective now of being on the other side of being the one that has been sorting the estate and I guess the perspective. And I also remember a conversation that I had with, you know, my mum friends in our group chat. Someone said, oh, you know, my husband wants to talk about the will this weekend and I don't really want to do it. And then, you know, a couple of them chimed in and said, oh, yeah, I haven't got around to doing that yet. And you can imagine I was like, right, girls. And I ended up sending a voice note back. I was like, listen up. I was like, you will be doing it. I said, it's not an easy conversation, but it's a hell of a lot easier to have a conversation with your husband right now than it is to be navigating, you know, the alternative. And, you know, I think that we just need to shine a light on that this is actually the most loving thing we can do is have these conversations and then the conversation's done. You know, we know what the wishes are and that actually allows us to honor in the best way. We know the wishes of our loved ones. We also have, you know, and I love that you share about the estate planning because I think we're really conditioned to believe that end of life planning is only about a will. And it's not, there are so many other things that we can add. And I just don't think the broader community is even aware of those options. So that's another reason why I wanted to start doing this is to start normalizing the conversation, but from a con like from a place of love and from a place of empathy, because I live this reality every day. Yes, I've done the paperwork and I've navigated my husband's estate. It never goes away. I still, I used the example recently, my Medicare had to get renewed. What happens when you have a loved one? And I believe there are ways to change this. So I don't want to get into like what's possible. There's ways. But ultimately what they did is they just deleted my husband from the number one spot. So I'm sitting as number two and the kids were then added after me. Every single time I present that card, the receptionist at the desk always says, oh, this must be a mistake. You're obviously number one. No, I'm not. So there's that trauma. The other thing is every single time the card renews, I get sent two cards. I'm the only adult on the card. They know that that's in their system. And so these triggering moments, and that's just one example. So this is what I think estate planning is really important and why I do what I do, because I want to make sure that there is now a checklist available. So when people lose someone, they know what to do without feeling so lost, but also planning ahead. giving the visibility of it's more than a will. It's the practical things. And what I sort of added as well is like, there's a lot of people that talk about the essentials are obviously critical, but then there's this really practical side and it's little trivial things like where are the spare keys kept? And that sounds silly, but there's so much that we keep in our heads. And even mothers are often the ones that know what medication the kids are on, for example. So starting to get some of this mental load off as well. but I always want to make sure that we're also talking about the heart because I was able to navigate the estate. I did have good visibility. You know, I knew the practical stuff as well, but what I miss most is the stories, you know, his favourite things and just hearing things from his perspective. So I think that a big part of this side as well is legacy and preserving these beautiful memories because that's actually what we don't get back. Yeah, a hundred percent. And it's, you know, to go back to your Medicare card, like the wording that comes out. So like we'll have people come to our office and the wording on a bank statement is like, dear widow or it will come under the state of i don't want to kill myself off given i've just what i've been through but joe blogs um dear joe blogs the state of joe blogs so the addressing the letter to the deceased about the deceased um or just how impersonal things can be as as well um and you know it's probably going to take a lot of lobbying to to change all of that type of stuff but it's going okay so you know what you that's yeah it's really really impersonal but it's it's kind of like you're not excusing the the language that the banks the corporations or whatever are using and you know unfortunately that's just how it is but like that's okay like don't worry about it like we'll take care of it like you know and um you know it's Yeah, to, you know, to have a great funeral director is amazing as well. Like, you know, to hand you, like, twenty certified copies of a death certificate and you're like, you know, what's this for? Like, why do I need twenty for? Like, you know, and then the reality of kicking in is like, crap, if I need twenty and she's just told me I need more, I'm like, what on earth do I have to deal with now? And then if you don't have your estate planning, so if you don't have that will, you know, it's even more complicated. And if they're a separated, like blended family, like there's like cold. There's so many layers these days in these sort of modern family arrangements. But again, this is the opportunity that we get to have these conversations early and giving visibility to, like it's beyond the will. You know, there's options of these advanced healthcare directives and, you know, memo of wishes. Like there are some really, honestly, beautiful things that we can add now and it's not just and so many people say oh you know I don't want to talk about it or I can't afford it and I'm always like no you actually can't afford not to have it because this is honestly it's the most loving thing and I appreciate that my perspective is unique but also people go oh with a widow and I thought the same a widow is a term for an old lady yeah I didn't expect to become a widow at yeah and thank goodness I had access to as much information as I did at the time but I also now know that there's so many other things that we could have also had and I'm really lucky that I've now been able to put that in place for our kids so things are you know improved again so everything was handled really well um and it could have been better but it was just navigating the system and like you say the system is pretty uh impersonal and That doesn't help at the time. But I think the navigation of that system, it could have been easier. And I just couldn't believe like, how does this not exist? Like something that is all encompassing. So, you know, it's certainly a big eye opening experience for sure. Yeah. And I kind of I suppose for me, I always thought that was our responsibility. Like I've always done law differently. I've always gone over and above. For me, I feel about a lot of that responsibility as a lawyer. is for me to help. It's like, okay, so these are the documents. These are the documents we recommend. Normalising, talking about death, which a lot of people don't like talking about. Like a lot of people don't get things done because they don't know. Guardians is a big one. So who's going to be guardian of their kids or if they're estranged from their family and they don't have any executives or attorneys or guardians, like that's another conversation. There are people who... have preconceptions in that well my dad or this person made a will and a week later he died but he was completely healthy so if i make this will i'm gonna be dead in twelve like you know a week or whatever it is so there's so many different perceptions and reasons as to why people don't want to have these conversations it's like but do you know how many stories I can tell you from my experience as a lawyer for the past like twenty odd years like people that don't have these documents or even if you haven't passed away and you're still alive but you have no capacity do you want me to tell you those stories and do you want to tell the expense and the stress that we have to go through with those clients because those documents weren't in place like it's yeah and having the sympathy with the clients as to why they don't want to do it because they can't work out you know who to leave something to okay because the guardians with kids is like a really big one or if there's a split family you know i don't want my estate going to your kids because they're your kids they're not like there's so many different nuances with it um but i do agree because i think that a lawyer is and a good lawyer with heart is so important to this um because like you say you know the nuances and sharing the documents and having that visibility that guidance is so critical and then i do also think that what i've learned is there's a whole nother side that often people don't see. You know, even now I'm still sort of, you know, there's times to coming into Father's Day, that's a really hard time for the kids. So I think what we also sort of, sometimes we become too restricted by the system to be like, oh, this is all that matters. I'm like, it's actually not. We are human beings and there is a lot of other parts of it. So the practical side of, okay, I still need to communicate to the school that, hey, just letting you know Father's Day might be really hard for our kids. So it's all these additional practical elements. The reality of, yeah, once the estate is sorted, this is still something we live with every day. And how does that impact our lives? So you're definitely right in having that. And I just think it's such a beautiful testament to the work you do and clearly the heart that you bring to it to make sure that your clients are truly supported. Like, what a blessing that is, particularly in those moments of vulnerability and just shock as well. Like, often, you know, I remember dealing with a lawyer and it's like, I'm still in shock. I don't even know what I'm doing right now, you know. So to have someone to show up and hold space for you. Yeah, as I said, to me that's just kind of, I don't know, common sense, which, you know, isn't meant to be a thing, right? But, yeah, and each their own. I'm not saying lawyers are bad if they don't. you know, kind of had the space to, I want to use the word hold hands. I don't know whether hold hands is the right word. Like everyone practices law how they are. For me, it's just I've had too many experiences of people going through things and each time you have an experience of something or things I haven't even thought of, until someone has mentioned, it's like, oh, my gosh, like, yeah, okay, right, like I get that. I just keep adding to like our pile or like our instruction sheet, like songs, music, what to be buried in. Like there's just so many different things that if there's more information that I can have, you know, here is what I can give you from my perspective, which is obviously like where you come in. So your service, Yellow Falcon, describe, describe until I got chemo brain today. I do apologize. You know, let us know. We're talking about business. Well, you know, you helping individuals throughout the process. And then we're also talking about corporations or businesses helping their employees or their team members through that process. as well so talk to us about a little bit about yellow falcon so i think the legal side we know like get your stuff done um if you're over a team everybody should be having a will like you know between both everyone sure we have plenty of horror stories get those insurance policies in place as well because you end up like me end up winding with cancer you know you're probably not going to get an insurance policy in your life so that's really important um you want to make sure that you can pay off the the debt of the family home and all of those things so plenty of positives with insurance and the legal side but come post the estate or the legal stuff is done um you know what advice do you have for people navigating or even just simply doing the the planning of you know maybe someone's terminal and uh you know they you know being told to start planning for their, you know, death effectively. It's pretty blunt how oncologists speak to you. What advice do you have for people? Yeah. Absolutely. There's so, like you say, there's so many things that we can be doing proactively, whether we're, you know, unwell or not. So for the, for that side of it, I do have, I call it the just in case file. And so what I really encourage people is to obviously have those conversations with the lawyers and insurance, but to make sure that the conversation doesn't stop there. So the just in case file is the map to hand your, you know, trusted person, whether that be the executive or family friend, I like to encourage that to be shared with more than one person. And essentially it's this whole It's like a gigantic document, but it's deliberately comprehensive for that reason. And it's the map. So it doesn't contain the will or the, you know, nitty gritty details, but it directs people of where they can find it. You know, so for example, one of your clients, like what they would be writing is your contact details in the book. This is where the will is. This is, you know, who's got these sort of this information. And it's a guide. So that they know. And again, like all of the bank accounts. So all of the essentials are really critical. Having that documented and pointing people to where that is. But also the practical things. And sort of I shared the example of the spare keys. I often find there's usually one person in a household that knows how to use the Wi-Fi. And again, these sound trivial, right? And I'm not suggesting that if you pass, someone critically needs the Wi-Fi. But what I am saying is it's an example of the things in our head. So starting to write down all of the licenses that you hold, it's the boat license, et cetera, like all of the things that relate to you. So there's this real practical side, even something like a storage unit. Maybe no one knows you have a storage unit and there's all these, you know, family heirlooms or something there. So like, again, just having everything recorded and then the heart. So like I said, you know, letters to loved ones or just documenting your favorite stories or your choices. So, This is the most comprehensive sort of end of life planner and it's deliberately comprehensive. But again, it's having that available and being able to update it. So I've got that planner. That's something I'm really proud of. But also post loss, what I wanted to make sure is that finally there is one checklist that you can go to and you know, these are the critical things that need to happen within the first twenty four to forty eight hours. And then this is the list from that point on. The estate is going to take a bit longer. So I'm just really clear in going. This is the reality. The role of Yellow Falcon is very clearly the practical companion. We do not replace any legal advice or any financial specific to anyone's situation, but we're just guiding people and providing the framework to make sure that they've got it kind of in place. So it's really important to me that we're then tapping into those experts because that is exactly where we get the right support. So really, it's just sort of that guidance. So that's available to everyone. And to your point, I'd love everyone over the age of eighteen to make sure that they've got that planner. And if they're experiencing loss to, of course, use that checklist. Then with the corporates, where I'm really working with them is Absolutely giving them the executive training and awareness of the realities of grief. As society, we just absolutely bury this information. Pardon the pun. But we don't like talking about it. But the reality is one in four employees are grieving at any time. There are one point one newly bereaved people in Australia every year, and that number will be growing with our ageing population. We also have the sandwich generation at the moment where we do have people, particularly in senior roles, making big decisions in executive roles who are caring for elderly parents or, you know, dealing with their estate while also navigating children at home. It's a very complicated scenario. So what I want to bring awareness to for these corporates is the actual cost Now I'm not naive, a business, they wanna know the financial cost, right? So we've now got that data and I'm bringing that to the forefront to go, this is actually what's costing your business. There's also the new WHS legislation around psychosocial risk of which grief does sit within it, not as a call out point, but within the hazard list that is provided in each state, they have this slightly nuanced. So it's really important that our organizations are actually supporting employees. no organization needs more work like everyone is so overwhelmed so all i'm really doing is providing some executive awareness we're implementing some really easy manager training so that they can support their employees better and then access for all employees to have access to that checklist in that planner that i spoke about early and honestly from a corporate perspective we're then ticking the box from a psychosocial hazard We're aware of the cost to the business and the ways that we can improve that cost. But we're also providing a really fantastic employee value proposition of genuine support of something that they or their families will experience. So let's just provide our employees with equal access to that. No one's scrambling them. We just have it. So what I really want to make sure is we're not, like I said, no one needs more. Everyone is so overwhelmed. Let's keep it really simple and just simply provide access. And it's really great to have that impact. We know that in organisations, particularly large organisations, we can have a really great impact with the number of people that they have in their organisation. Yeah, and I suppose it gives them space to, I mean, some people just don't like talking about death and preparing for that type of thing. So I suppose it gives them space and knowledge and the tools to be able to assist their team members when something like that, and especially in a big corporation, like it's, you know, there's a lot of people working within a big corporation obviously that's why it's big so you know chances are of somebody going through grief are going to be pretty high and it's probably going to be on a pretty regular basis and um you know there'll be a certain amount of average days people would take off as well and then you know as you said you have like estates so you're dealing with like the death and the funeral side but there's a whole other side of walking and you might be leading to illness for starters then death and then like the legal side and then you have grief and you have life and everything on top of that so it's not just like a two-week process like it can be as i said where like you know where what's five six years out for you when there's still things that are going on for you so um and i love to be able to speak to somebody that likes to normalize death death happens you know sometimes it's plain because you're run well sometimes you know it's an accident for example like your husband so i've seen too much of what people go through when that stuff is not sorted that i just i Anyone over the age of eight should have it. Like, you know, it's just I've seen way too much stuff go on to unnecessarily put further stress and grief in a process that is already stressful and, you know, have that grief process. If you can avoid as much grief In that, because you're prepared, it's going to make it just so much easier for when that time comes and, you know, that time is going to come. Hopefully it's not for a long time for a lot of people, but you don't need to give yourself any additional stress or grief because that side hasn't been dealt with. Or, yeah, maybe the Wi-Fi does go out and you can't, you know, stream something. Like it could be something simple as that that might, you know, kind of trigger stress. a wave of, you know, emotion and things. So, yeah, to be able to openly speak about death from, you know, a practical sense and then having, you know, from I don't like the term widowed. I don't know what else there is but, you know, from... It's the reality though, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I don't know whether I like the term. From someone that has lost their husband, you know, what that looks like, especially with three new babies. So I think the moral of today's podcast is get your shit sorted. If you're over the age of eighteen, get all the things. It doesn't matter whether you have it or not. And do it now. Yes. But also doing it now means all it is is paperwork. Sure, the conversations aren't pretty, but it actually is just paperwork. And then you can actually get it done. There is this level of peace of mind that you go, okay it's recorded we can honor each other's wishes we know what's happening with the kids then it's done yeah the actual you know and and also having that in place you know when i go back to like my spreadsheet and where i started that didn't take away from the grief but what it did do is what it provided the scaffolding so that i could grieve took away that's what we're doing here Yeah. And unfortunately, it often takes an event to happen for people to do something. So, for example, someone will be diagnosed with cancer or they were given like a week to leave or something, and we're scrambling within a few days to hopefully have that person still alive to be able to get those documents done. or someone, a sibling has realised that their parent doesn't have those documents in place and a nursing home is asking for all these documents, but the parent has dementia and it's too late because they don't have the capacity for that or it's the week that we shut up for christmas and people are trying to get their estate planning done because they're about to to travel and usually it's the same people calling every christmas with like still wanting the thing done so it shouldn't take an event for something to happen because frankly sometimes it is too late If you've already passed away, it's too late to do a will or update your will. If you've lost capacity, you don't have the capacity to enter into a power of attorney, an enduring guardian, like it's don't wait for something to happen because it may be too late to be able to do anything and don't, you know, I suppose it's good that if an event has happened, so you did go to a funeral and that prompts you to go get your stuff done, but, yeah, don't leave it to a diagnosis. Don't leave it to... you know, chance that you're going to have time to do these things because unfortunately sometimes you don't. So I suppose to wrap up today, what would be, I think the advice is obviously, as we said, get your shit sorted. I think there's been a lot of practical tips as well. But, you know, is there anything you want to finish with? And we'll obviously have your links and everything in our show notes if you do want to work. with ash to to get those checklists in place especially coming up to christmas a lot of people are traveling um you know we want to make sure that everybody is sorted and not stressing about it so anything that you want to wrap up to today's session with ash all i would just say is if you're unsure just ask I think both, you know, the two of us here, like we do speak pretty openly and it's not about getting, you know, overly stressed or delaying because you're not sure. I would love for people to just ask a question and, you know, it's those questions like, oh, this might be a silly question, but if you're thinking it, it's a valid question. so if you're unsure just ask us and um i think you know you and i would love to just support that conversation uh so that we can bring a level of peace of peace of mind so that's the only thing i would really add i think um i feel like our message is pretty loud and clear i think people will be able to tell how passionate we are but also because we're passionate about not just our you know professional experience but also our personal you know, and what we've been through and what we continue to go through, we can shed this light on some realities that people may not have realised. So I hope that this does, you know, don't just take this as inspiration. Take this as a call to action and do one thing today. You know, we appreciate that. You know, this can feel heavy. We're here and we both offer our own sort of expertise and guidance to make it as light as we can. But please take one action from today. No matter how small, one action is better than nothing at all. Yeah. And I love the silly questions. Well, first of all, there's no such thing as a silly question, but I said before, like I've built my knowledge and my team have built their knowledge based on our clients. So we're in it, we have experience in it. And sometimes we have our lawyer blinkers on and we don't think about things. It's often those questions that you think are silly. It's like, oh crap, I didn't think about that one yet. Let's add that to the list. That's not a silly question at all. It's, you know, it's something we've not thought of or it's something that we've assumed because, you know, we do have our blinkers on and you know our blinkers are wide but you know that's how we built our database you know what to be buried in what do you want church service do you know that you don't have to have a church service I remember saying that to a client just like what do you mean like you have to like it's like the law I'm like no it's if not like if you don't want a church service you don't have to have a church service and she was just amazed i'm like yes you know prepaid funeral she's like what do you mean like i can you know i can plan my funeral and i'm like yeah you can she literally ran out the door so joyous to wait uh white lady funerals to plan her funeral like she's the only one that's ever done that in my twenty odd years but just she was so you could there was something in the meeting that i know just was off i'm like you know what yeah picking up on something like what is it and then you know I was asking the questions about being a donor and you know being donated to science and you know do you know church service and that's how it came up but seeing the look in her face that she was relieved that she didn't have to be have a church service because she wasn't a churchy person like it's things those things like that that we assume that people know of you know so no you don't have a church service you can have a living funeral we've had people do that without their funeral before they pass away like there's so many different things that that you can do i can guarantee every listener listening to this podcast right now will learn something either from this podcast or the conversations that come of it and realize another option that they actually didn't even know existed Yeah, and there's options that we don't know that exist. Correct. There is so much. I've learnt a lot in these last few years and that's why I'm really encouraging everyone to take that one action because this is the opportunity. While it is only paperwork and while it is only a conversation, this is, yeah, this is the call to action for sure. A hundred percent, especially with the Christmas coming up. So I don't want to have to get on social media and tell all my horror stories because I have a few up my sleeve. Now I have another one. But thank you so much for joining us today. As I said, Ash's details will be in the show notes. I know death is something that not a lot of people talk about, but coming from two people experienced with death, I can tell you the more prepared you are, the easier it is going to be when that time comes. And maybe I do need to share my horror stories to put some reality into perspective because it's not only stressful for the people going through it, it's stressful for us because it's often a lot more horrible to go through when that stuff hasn't been spoken about or planned. because it's just, yeah, it just can be avoided. So thank you again so much, Ash. I said Ash's details will be in our show notes. Please take that one action, whatever it might be. It might be sitting down with your spouse and having that conversation. It might simply be jotting down things for yourself. It might be making that appointment with a lawyer to get your estate planning sorted. It might be having that chat with guardians to make sure that your kids looked after, whatever it is, just have that one thing. And then, yeah, if you want to share it with us, you can share it with us as well. So thanks again, Ash, for joining us. And yeah, we'll catch you guys next time. Make sure you share this episode around as well because I'm sure there are many people that do not have their estate planning sorted. Last time we looked at the stats, the stats were like really, really appalling. And there's more people that don't have their stuff sorted than did have their stuff sorted. So thanks for listening and watching and we'll catch you next time. Bye.
