Starting the Family Law Process: Why January Is “Divorce Month” & How to Prepare Without Falling Apart

Do you know what happens every January?

No, my inbox isn’t filled with people signing up for gym memberships or starting “Dry January.”
My inbox explodes with messages from people who spent the Christmas break having one very confronting realisation:

“This relationship… isn’t working anymore.”

And if you’re reading this thinking yep, that’s me, please know—you are not alone. January is literally called Divorce Month in the family law world. It’s our busiest season. But I promise you this:

You can get through this without emotionally collapsing or financially combusting.

Let’s walk through what starting the family law process actually looks like—minus the legal jargon, plus a whole lot of Stacy real-talk.

Why January Hits So Hard

The holidays have a funny way of shining a giant, fluorescent spotlight on everything that isn’t working.

You’re around your partner more.
You’re around extended family.
You’re stuck in the same four walls with the same issues that suddenly feel… louder.

Then school goes back, life resets, and suddenly you’re googling “How to start separation” at 2 a.m.

If that’s you, take a deep breath. (A proper one… not like the terrible one I did mid-episode.)

You’re exactly where you need to be.

Step 1: Get It Out of Your Head (AKA: The Brain Dump)

Before you go to a lawyer…
Before you talk to your partner…
Before you panic yourself into a stress-spiral…

Do a brain dump.

Write down:

• Why you’re considering separation

• Your biggest fears

• Every question you have (there are NO silly questions)

• What you want your life to look like on the other side

This isn’t a legal document. No one else needs to see it.
But clarity = power.
And it’s the foundation for everything that comes next.

Step 2: Understand Your Finances (So You Don’t Pay $550/hr for “Thinking Time”)

Here’s something that surprises people:

You should know your financial situation before you see a lawyer.

Not because you’re expected to have it all together…

…but because lawyers charge by the hour.

And if you’re sitting there trying to remember your super balance, that’s a very expensive guessing game.

Start gathering:

• 12 months of bank statements

• Super statements

• Property valuations or appraisals

• Loan documents

• Credit card statements

• Tax returns and payslips

This part feels overwhelming, but it pays off later—literally.

Step 3: Know Your Options (Court Is Not the Only One)

People often think separating automatically means court.

Nope.

Court is the last resort.
Most matters never see a judge.

You can:

• Negotiate between yourselves

• Negotiate through lawyers

• Use mediation (most common)

• Consider collaborative law

Each path has different costs, timelines, and levels of control.
Understanding them upfront helps you avoid being pushed in the wrong direction—especially by the wrong lawyer.

Step 4: The Separation Conversation (I Know… Deep Breath)

Yes, the conversation.

The one you want to avoid but cannot escape.

Some guidance:

• Choose a calm, private moment—not mid-argument

• Be direct: “I’ve decided we need to consider separation”

• Expect emotion, but stay grounded

• If face-to-face is unsafe, a letter is completely okay

How you begin sets the tone for the whole process.

Step 5: Protect Your Emotional Energy

Legal stuff is one thing.
Emotional whiplash is another.

Build your support network early.

Friends, family, therapist—whatever support looks like for you.
Practice grounding techniques.
Limit interactions that drain you (especially if you’re dealing with a narcissist—yes, I have tools for that too).

You’re not just ending something.
You’re beginning something entirely new.

Step 6: Choose Your Lawyer Wisely (And Yes, Some Lawyers Are… Not Great)

Not all family lawyers are created equal.

Some are caring, ethical, and resolution-focused.

And some… well…
some lawyers are assholes and they can take people for a ride.

Money-saving tip?

You do NOT need a lawyer for everything.
The more educated you are, the less you pay someone to explain the basics.

That’s exactly why I created my Empowered Separation Program—to save people thousands in legal fees before they even walk into a lawyer’s office.

Step 7: If You Have Kids—Keep Their World Steady

Their wellbeing is everything.

Try to:

• Reduce conflict around them

• Keep routines stable

• Encourage involvement from both parents (unless unsafe)

• Consider a parenting plan early

Separation is hard, but co-parenting peacefully is possible—and worth it.

Final Thoughts

If you’re starting this journey, here’s what I want you to know:

You are stronger than you think.
Yes, it’s scary.
Yes, it’s overwhelming.
But on the other side is a life you get to build on your terms.

You don’t have to do this alone.
You don’t have to break your bank account.
And you absolutely don’t have to figure it all out overnight.

Just take the next right step.

Ready for more support?

🎧 Listen to the full episode of The StacyM Show (Episode 62).
📞 Book a consultation if you want guidance tailored to your situation.
🌐 Visit stacymunzenberger.com for programs, resources & upcoming webinars.