Are You Actually Listening? What Jaimie Abbott Taught Me About Real Communication

A few years ago, I was mid-conversation with someone at an event, nodding along, making the right faces, and I had absolutely no idea what they'd just said. I was too busy thinking about what I was going to say next.

Sound familiar?

I recently sat down with Jaimie Abbott for the podcast, and about two minutes in, she basically called me out for doing exactly that. Not in a mean way. In a "yeah, we've all done this" kind of way. And honestly, it's stuck with me ever since.

Jaimie's spent her career teaching people how to communicate, first as a journalist, then in the military, then coaching politicians, lawyers, and everyday people who are brilliant at their jobs but somehow can't win a room. And the more we talked, the more I realised most of us were never actually taught this stuff. Not at school, not at home. We just winged it and hoped for the best.

Here's what stood out most.

We Confuse Hearing With Listening

Jaimie told a story about interviewing Russell Crowe early in her journalism career. She had her questions written down, and she was so focused on getting through them that she missed something huge, he told her, on the record, that this was the best movie he'd ever made. She didn't catch it. Her next question? "Do you think this is the best movie you've ever made?"

He looked at her and said, "Did you just hear what I said?"

In front of a room full of cameramen.

We've all done a version of this. Maybe not on live TV, but at dinner, in a meeting, on the phone with a friend who needed us to actually hear them. We're present, but we're not there.

The fix isn't complicated. It's just hard to remember to do it: stop planning your next line, and actually listen to the one being said to you right now.

The "Just Fake It" Rule

This one made me laugh, but it's true. Jaimie works with a lot of lawyers, people who are exceptional at their jobs but freeze up the second they have to network. Her advice? Just bloody fake it. Pretend you're interested, even if you're not fully feeling it in the moment. Ask questions. Make eye contact. Show up like you care.

Because here's the thing, most people aren't looking for the smartest person in the room. They're looking for the person who made them feel heard. And that's learnable, even if it doesn't come naturally to you yet.

Hard Conversations Get Easier With Prep

If you've ever avoided a tough conversation because you didn't know how it would go, this part's for you. Jaimie's approach is simple: prepare for the worst-case reaction. Think through what the other person might say, how they might react, and how you'll respond if it gets messy.

It doesn't make the conversation easy. But it makes it a lot less scary.

A Few Questions Worth Sitting With

• When was the last time you were in a conversation and realised you weren't actually listening?
• Is there a conversation you've been avoiding because you don't know how it'll go?
• What would change in your relationships, personal or professional, if you got just a little better at this?

You don't need to overhaul how you communicate overnight. Just pick one thing from this and try it this week. Ask a follow-up question instead of jumping to your next point. Notice when you've stopped listening. See what happens.

If this resonated, the full conversation with Jaimie goes even deeper, including a story that made me genuinely rethink how I show up in hard conversations. Give it a listen, and if it hits home for you too, share it with someone who needs to hear it.

And if you want help applying any of this to your own life or business, you know where to find me.