Money, Breakups, and the 67 Dresses Nobody Talks About

A client of Erin Davis's sent a video to her group coaching call recently. She was standing in her daughter's bedroom, filming the floor.

Sixty seven dresses. Scattered across the room, tucked into the closet, spilling out from under the bed. She counted seventeen that had actually been worn. The rest? Tags still on.

She had no idea she'd spent that much. And when I heard that story on the podcast this week with accountant and money coach Erin Davis, I felt it in my chest a little. Because who among us hasn't opened a drawer or a closet or a bank statement and thought, how did I not see that coming?

This episode wasn't really about dresses though. It was about something a lot bigger, who holds the control in a relationship's finances, what happens when that person isn't you, and how you actually rebuild your money life after a separation. So let's get into it.

Who's "The Money Person" In Your Relationship, And Why It Matters

In almost every relationship, someone naturally becomes the one who manages the money. Sometimes it's a deliberate decision. A lot of the time, it just happens.

Erin talked about how in her own marriage, being the accountant meant she just took on that role without either of them really choosing it. That's common. But it becomes a problem when one partner is left completely in the dark, not because they chose to step back, but because they were never given the chance to step in.

If that's you, Erin's advice is simple but not always easy: start asking questions. Start showing interest in the bills, the accounts, the numbers. And if the relationship isn't open enough for that conversation, start improving your own financial literacy on your own terms. Listen to a podcast (hi). Read a book. Follow someone who explains this stuff simply. You don't need permission to get smarter about your own money.

Preparing To Leave (Financially Speaking)

This is the part of the conversation that felt the most real to me, because as a family lawyer, it's usually the first thing people ask me about when they're considering separation.

Erin's suggestion? Get a clear picture of what your life is actually going to cost. Housing, insurance, groceries, electricity, all of it. Once you know the number, you're not operating on fear anymore, you're operating on information. And information is what lets you actually plan instead of panic.

She also mentioned something I loved: if you're setting money aside to prepare yourself, that's not sneaky, it's smart. You still have to disclose it eventually, but there's a real difference between hiding money and preparing yourself.

Rebuilding After The Dust Settles

Once the separation is done and the numbers are sorted, a lot of people rush straight into rebuilding the exact life they had before. New house, same lifestyle, same spending habits. Erin's advice here was refreshingly honest: pump the brakes.

She talked about "the cost to open your front door," basically, knowing exactly what it costs you to live, week to week, before you make any big decisions. Once you know that number, everything else becomes clearer. You stop making decisions out of fear or grief, and you start making them with intention.

And if renting feels like a step backward while you figure things out? It's not. It's just a moment to find your feet.

The Tracking Question (And Why Budgets Often Fail)

Here's the bit that made me laugh, because it's so true. Erin isn't a big believer in strict budgets. She compared them to diet culture: you go hard for a week, you slip up, you feel guilty, you give up entirely.

Instead, she suggested something simpler. Look back at your last six months of spending. Print your statements out and highlight them if you have to. Then set up separate accounts, one for bills, one for fun, one for savings, so that once money lands in an account, it's already been decided what it's for. No guilt, no second guessing.

A Few Questions Worth Sitting With

• If your relationship ended tomorrow, would you know what your finances actually look like?
• What does it cost you, every week, just to open your front door?
• Are you spending in a way that feels aligned with what actually matters to you, or just doing what you've always done?

Where To Go From Here

If any part of this hit home, whether you're the one who's never really known the full financial picture, or you're standing on the other side of a separation trying to figure out your next move, this episode is worth the listen. Erin breaks it down without judgment and without jargon, which honestly, is rare in this space.

Give it a listen, share it with a friend who needs to hear it, and if you want to go deeper into your own financial confidence, Erin's Grounded Rich Girl Program might be exactly the next step.