How We Sabotage Ourselves in Family Law Matters (And What to Do About It)

That Text You Wish You Didn’t Send

Ever fired off a fiery text to your ex in the heat of the moment and thought, “Well, that probably wasn’t my best move…”?
Yeah, me too.

Look, I get it. Family law matters can be emotional rollercoasters. Even when you know what’s the right thing to do, sometimes you just… don’t do it. And before you know it, you’ve sabotaged your own progress.

Today, I want to talk about the sneaky ways we get in our own way during family law battles—and more importantly, how to stop.

What Is Self-Sabotage in Family Law?

Self-sabotage is when your actions (or inaction) actually hurt your legal position—even if that’s not your intention.

It’s not always loud or obvious. Sometimes it looks like:

• Sending angry messages

• Ignoring your lawyer’s advice

• Chasing the idea of “winning” instead of focusing on a fair outcome

• Avoiding paperwork because it’s overwhelming

• Making decisions based on emotion instead of strategy

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. I see this all the time in my work as a lawyer—and hey, I’ve done it in my own life, too.

The Sneaky Ways We Sabotage Ourselves

1. Letting Emotions Drive the Bus

When we’re hurt, angry, or scared, we tend to react. And those reactions (like that late-night text or courtroom meltdown) can seriously derail your case.

Emotions are valid, but they don’t belong in the driver’s seat.

2. Chasing the “Win” at All Costs

Family law isn’t about beating the other person—it’s about getting to a resolution that works. If you’re laser-focused on “winning,” you might actually lose time, money, and peace in the process.

3. Dragging Your Feet

Yep, procrastination is a form of self-sabotage. Ignoring deadlines, avoiding communication, or refusing to engage because it’s “too hard” can cost you—big time.

4. Going Rogue

If you’ve hired a lawyer but still decide to do things your own way (sending unsupervised emails, making agreements without advice, or ignoring legal guidance), you’re undercutting your own support system.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way

• Pause Before You Hit Send: Ask yourself—will this help me or hurt me?

• Focus on the Big Picture: What outcome actually serves you and your family long-term?

• Trust Your Team: If you’ve hired a lawyer you trust, lean on their advice. That’s what they’re there for.

• Stay Accountable: Do the paperwork. Show up. Engage with the process. It matters.

Final Thoughts: You’re Human (But You Can Do Better)

Family law is hard. Emotions are high. Mistakes happen. But the more aware you are of these self-sabotage traps, the better you can navigate them.

If this resonated with you and you want to dive deeper, I unpack all of this (and share a few real-life stories) in the full episode of The StacyM Show: How We Sabotage Ourselves in Family Law Matters.
👉 Click here to listen now.

Or, if you’re ready to get some proper support, you can book a free call with me here. Let’s help you get out of your own way.